Cover art by AngelicInsanity
Chapter Seven
Tony stood outside the security doors leading to Stark’s lab and steeled himself. This was just about the last thing he wanted to be doing. And not just because he was busy as hell, but he didn’t want to be the bearer of bad tidings. Not to Tony Stark, who had done nothing to deserve this shit.
“Sir would like to know if you plan to linger in the hallway?”
He smiled faintly. “Is that the way he actually put it?”
“No, he asked if you plan to perch out here like a gargoyle, but I took creative license,” Jarvis replied dryly.
“Yeah, I didn’t think that sounded like Stark.” He took a breath. “If he’s up for a chat, I’d appreciate some time.”
“Agent Coulson is with him, but you may enter.” The doors slid open.
Stark was leaning on his workbench, tapping some sort of metal rod against his palm, but he seemed relaxed, so whatever Phil was telling him wasn’t upsetting. “Hey there, Glowworm. We didn’t think you were ever going to emerge from your cave.”
“Well, my deadline on my report is coming up, so it won’t be too much longer. I just needed to run a couple of things by you.” He nodded to Phil. Things between the two of them were a little tense, but Tony hadn’t expected any different since he’d basically asked Phil to choose a side.
“Hey, Tony. I’ve got an update on that thing you asked me to look into. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be around. Stark put May and me upstairs.”
“You can tell me now. I don’t care if Stark hears this.”
“Okay. May went to talk to DiNozzo Senior. After brief questioning, he confirmed that he knew you were not his biological son. That your mother was pregnant when they met, though she didn’t find out until about a month later. He figured they’d have more than one child anyway, though he later learned he was sterile. You, an heir, were the key to unlocking your mother’s trust fund, so she promised DiNozzo that she wouldn’t tell her family that you were not his child.
“He didn’t know who your biological father was. All your mother had ever told him was that it was a brief fling with a man who had recently lost his wife. It was apparently only one night.”
“I guess that’s all it takes.” He rubbed his hand over the back of his head. “That it?”
“He somewhat reluctantly agreed to give a DNA sample so we can confirm his assertions. And…” Phil trailed off, making a face.
“Just say it, Phil. Nothing that comes out of his mouth is going to shock me.”
“He said since you now know he’s not your biological father, he doesn’t see any point in keeping up the pretense.” Phil looked apologetic.
Tony laughed. “Pretense? I haven’t talked to him in two decades. I wonder what pretense he’s referring to?” He waved his hand. “Actually, I don’t. In fact, I couldn’t care less.”
“Do you want us to run your DNA against available registries? See if we can find your biological father?”
He considered that for a few seconds, then shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I’m forty and not up to a new batch of daddy issues.”
Phil hesitated. “DiNozzo mentioned that your mother had said this man had three other children.”
Siblings. After a few seconds, he shook his head again. “I can’t deal with that kind of complication right now, so no.”
“Fair enough. May delivered DiNozzo’s DNA sample to Dr. Banner so we can at least get confirmation for you.”
“Thank you, Phil.”
Coulson nodded and excused himself, leaving him and Stark alone.
“So…” Stark shot him a look. “That was shitty.”
“Nah. It was shitty thirty years ago. The field in which I grow those fucks has been barren for a long time.”
Stark moved over to the wall, poured two glasses of scotch, and handed one off to Tony, offering a salute. “Here’s to daddy issues.”
“Yeah.” Tony stared into the glass for a few seconds before slamming it back. “You know, I probably can’t even get drunk anymore.”
“That sucks large, man.”
“Not really. Both my parents were drunks. I try not to model their behaviors.” He considered what he’d just said. “Uh. Don’t mention the drunk thing about my mom to Steve. He seems to have her on something of a pedestal.”
“I’m not gonna say anything, but don’t you think he should know something real about your mom?”
“Not that. There’s plenty of real without him finding out that she drank so much she drove off a bridge in winter, killing herself and nearly killing me.”
Stark grimaced. “We have way too much in common, Sparkles.”
Tony pushed the glass aside. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something. I’ve been debating on how to approach it because it’s shitty and, uh, complicated. I don’t even know how to say it.”
“Well, that’s not alarming.”
“How about I tell you what I found and the conclusions I’ve drawn?”
“All righty. Shoot.”
“Jarvis, could you bring up the list of files on my computer in folder H-JBB-Research?”
“Certainly, sir.” The file list appeared.
Stark shot him a look. “JBB isn’t subtle. Research into Barnes?”
“More or less.” He gestured to the list. “Don’t open the files, but tell me what you notice about the videos.”
It took Stark only a couple of seconds. “Nine videos with the same name and incremental version numbers, except the last one, which is labeled final. But the dates on all of them are years apart.”
“I was looking through Hydra’s information on the Winter Soldiers, and Barnes in particular, and found the nine files with basically the same name but different dates. Many of Barnes’ missions had video files attached to them, but this was the only one that had multiple copies of the same thing.
“Anyway, the first video seems to be the original. It’s of an assassination by someone who isn’t Barnes. The second video is the same video with Barnes’ face and arm edited in. It was a shitty job. Wouldn’t have fooled anyone.”
“So that’s why multiple versions over the years. The technology improved and they kept at it?”
“Yes.”
“Which begs the question…why? Why does it matter if Barnes is recorded doing something he didn’t do when there’s plenty he did do?”
“From what I’ve been able to gather from various comments in reports, I think the video started as a form of punishment. The initial order for the assassination apparently reached some part of Barnes that was still Bucky, and he refused the assignment. They sent someone else, of course, but it then became a matter of reprogramming their asset. When they perfected the video enough to be believable, I think they used it during the, uh, torture and reprogramming sessions to make him believe, to make him remember, carrying out an assassination that he was horrified by.”
“Jesus.” Stark rubbed his hand over his mouth. “That’s fucked up. So they wanted him to feel guilty when he started to break through the so-called memory erasure? Because Bruce and I have already determined that it’s not really erasing his memories, it’s more like a block that erodes over time. It’s why he’s starting to remember small things now and why they had to keep putting him back in this ‘chair’ that he’s mentioned.”
“I think it was more than guilt as punishment. I think it’s so that when the Barnes part of him started to emerge, that he’d feel hopeless. He’d done something he would consider unforgivable. It was punishment and mental torture…another form of mind control.” He gestured to the list. “The seventh and eighth versions are pretty solid. There’s no way to tell with the naked eye that it’s fake. Though the third through sixth versions could have been effective with someone under mental duress and physical torture.
“The ninth, the one labeled final, fools computer diagnostics as well. The thing is, they didn’t need it to be that good to fool Barnes, so I wasn’t sure why they made it, why they kept working on that video. And then I found that final file in SHIELD’s records dated in 2010, but none of the earlier ones. Ostensibly, SHIELD got it while dumping servers of some terrorist outfit, but it’s clear Hydra left it for them.”
“Whoa. So SHIELD thought Barnes was alive and didn’t tell Steve?”
“They couldn’t tell Steve because it exposed a big old SHIELD secret.” Tony took a breath. “And that’s why I needed to talk to you. And I am so sorry to do this to you, but…” he gestured back to the list. “Look at the date of the original video.”
It was barely a second before Stark’s whole body went rigid. He immediately reached out and pressed the file, trying to open it. Nothing happened.
“Jarvis, open the file.”
“I’m sorry, Sir, I agreed with Director DiNozzo that you should have a moment to reflect before you see any of those videos.”
“Jarvis!”
“Stark— Tony!” he yelled. “Please. I don’t think you really want to see that. At least not until you know what’s in it. Know what you’ll be walking into, and be prepared for it before you have those images fused into your brain.”
Stark was breathing hard, glaring at Tony. “Are you telling me that’s a video of my parents being murdered?”
“Yes. And while your father’s method of death might be mistaken by a poor medical examiner as the result of a car accident, your mother’s death could in no way be confused as anything but murder. Which means that whoever identified their bodies…”
Stark flinched back. “Peggy Carter identified my parents’ remains.”
“And Nick Fury.”
“Excuse me?” Stark said dangerously.
“It’s in the official report of the medical examiner that Carter and Fury both signed the identification forms.”
Stark was silent for a long time, and Tony couldn’t get much of a read on him. “How did they die?”
Tony hesitated only briefly. “There was a car accident—I gather it was engineered. Your father was hit in the face repeatedly, hence the facial injuries that caused…”
“Bone matter to penetrate the brain. Right. And mom?”
“She was strangled to death.”
Abruptly, Stark grabbed a long metal bar and started beating something with it. Tony wasn’t even sure what the thing was, just that it was something Stark had been building. Tony let him be, let him vent his anger and pain.
After a long time, Stark threw the bar away, keeping his back to Tony, breaths coming in heaving gasps. When he turned, he asked, “Did Coulson know?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Jarvis, get Coulson down here!”
“As you wish, Sir.”
Jaw muscles working furiously, Stark stared at Tony. “So Fury couldn’t afford to let Steve know his buddy was alive because it would expose the coverup into my parents’ death. Why did Hydra go after my parents?”
“Howard was apparently transporting some super-soldier serum, and Hydra wanted it.”
“So Dad was still active with SHIELD.” It wasn’t a question.
“Tony,” he began carefully, “I don’t think Fury planned to keep that information from Steve for very long.”
“How’s that? You think Steve wouldn’t have told me?”
“I think Steve today would have, but Steve in a year or two, I don’t know.”
“What are you saying?”
“There was a folder of carefully curated information to release to Steve about you. Some of it already had been. As a complete picture, it’s clearly designed to foster an opinion.”
Stark crossed his arms. “That’s what Steve meant by he’d seen the footage.”
“I don’t know what you’re referring to, but there are a lot of videos in the information packet for Steve. Some of it was even edited to make it seem worse than it was in reality. Including some really bogus psych profile Romanoff wrote.”
“You think that psych profile was wrong?”
“Tony,” he said emphatically, “I have a doctorate in psychology. I’m not a therapist, but I write psychological profiles all the time. That was complete bullshit, written to elicit a response. From you and from anyone who read it.”
“But why?”
“I think Fury is paranoid. I think he can’t afford to have the players on his chessboard trust anyone but him. He needs the Avengers under his thumb, and if you and Steve are on the same page, if you are a resource to help Steve acclimate, Fury can’t control him. He worries about losing control of his greatest weapon.”
“Rogers is his greatest weapon.”
“Actually, you are. I think he’s trying really, really hard to engineer things to keep you on a string. Keep you dancing to his tune. When you pull away, he finds a way to bring you back in. Getting your childhood hero to express disapproval of you or your actions is just one technique.”
“Jesus.” Stark looked gutted. “Why couldn’t he just let us sort ourselves out?”
“Because he can’t afford for you and Steve to get on the same page. Not really. Because if you did, you might realize you don’t need him.”
“Come again?”
“Why would a top-secret spy agency be in charge of a team of high-profile superheroes? It doesn’t make any sense. The secret is out. The world knows there are aliens. Maybe even more coming. So why are you part of a secret organization?”
Stark looked up sharply. “You think there are more coming?”
“Well, Loki wasn’t behind that shit. He didn’t drum up an alien armada from nowhere. He was the puppet, not the puppet master.”
“How do you know Loki wasn’t behind it?”
Tony was briefly flummoxed, but then he got it. “Tell me you’ve reviewed the tapes of Loki’s interactions.”
“No. Fury locked all that down.”
“But…” Tony stopped and blew out a breath. “Loki’s eyes were as blue as Barton’s before Hulk did a number on the floor with him. Then they were green.”
“Oh, fuck me running.”
“Sir, Agent Coulson is waiting.”
“Let him wait!” Stark moved closer to Tony, threat in every line of his body. “What is your mission. What the fuck are you doing?”
Tony stayed relaxed, not wanting to be perceived as Stark’s enemy because he wasn’t. “Between you and me and Jarvis, I’m preparing a recommendation on what should happen to SHIELD and the Avengers Initiative.”
Stark blinked a few times and then sat heavily on a stool. “Homeland asked you to do that?”
“No, the President and Joint Chiefs asked me to.”
“Oh.” Stark stared at the floor for a long time. “And?”
“Are you asking me what my official recommendation is going to be?”
“Yes. You probably aren’t supposed to tell me that, but I’m asking you to.”
“On the condition that you discuss it with no one before I deliver it. Except for Jarvis.”
“Jarvis knows everything?”
“Well, you did give him permission to help me and ordered that he not reveal anything classified.”
“Wow. Okay. How’s that going, J?”
“It’s fascinating work, Sir. I rather enjoy it. Director DiNozzo has taught me how to profile a spy. I’ve managed to identify eighty-four possible spies within Stark Industries. After Director DiNozzo is finished with his report, with your permission, he’s going to review the list and help refine my techniques. At that point, there will need to be interviews.”
Stark blinked. “Uh… Wow, squared.”
“Jarvis has a knack for profiling, to be honest.”
“He does?”
Tony nodded.
“Okay, then. Wow. I feel like I’m on repeat. Now back to your recommendation.” Stark gave him an expectant look. “I’ll keep it quiet.”
“I’m going to recommend that the UN Security Council create a task force to manage global threats and that the Avengers be officially tasked to that. Or something of that nature. There needs to be oversight to determine what you guys get called in on. And you can’t have Captain fucking America acting like a damn spy. Also, Fury has been very careful to keep the recruiting to people he controls, and that means mostly Americans. That has to stop. I’m also making recommendations about leadership and membership.”
Tony hesitated before adding, “And I’m recommending that SHIELD be mothballed.”
“Wow.”
“And you’re still on repeat.”
Stark flipped him off. “You play hardball. Are you recommending Cap to be team leader?”
“No.”
Stark’s mouth dropped open. “No?”
“I’m recommending that he be, officially, a consultant that can train with the team but will only be called on if there’s literally an invasion at the door until such time as he is acclimated to the current century and passes a battery of psychological tests as well as finishes OTS.”
“And I assume he doesn’t know that?”
“Not yet. I need to talk to him and explain why I’m recommending that he not lead the team. It’s not…something I’m looking forward to.”
Stark sighed and rubbed both hands over his face. “Who are you recommending be the new leader.”
“If he’s amenable to going into the reserves, my recommendation will be Colonel Rhodes.” He was somewhat gratified that he’d elicited that stunned expression from Stark so many times.
“You want my platypus to be an Avenger?”
“Well, I’m not going to phrase it that way.”
Stark snorted. “And you think they should dismantle SHIELD?”
“I don’t think there’s really any other choice. Something new will come in its place, something probably formed under the UN, but separating Hydra from SHIELD is…impossible.”
“You’re sure.”
“Yeah.”
Stark sort of slumped, hunching over. “I don’t know what to do with any of this.”
“Just take time to process it. Think about what you want to do. I would appreciate it if you would not confront Fury about it until…well, let’s call it the opportune moment.”
“Then I better stay away from him because, right now, I just want to punch him. Repeatedly. With the suit on.” He glanced toward the door. “Jarvis, let Coulson in.”
Phil entered, looking wary. “Everything all right?”
“Did you know that SHIELD covered up the fact that my parents were murdered by Hydra?” Stark asked bluntly.
His usual mask slipping, Phil looked startled and then angry. “No, I did not. Are you sure?”
Stark’s jaw clenched before he looked away.
“Yeah, Phil,” Tony supplied. “There’s video. Fury had it, so he saw what really happened. Also, he and Agent Carter were the ones who identified the bodies and perpetuated the lie that they died from wounds sustained in the accident rather than being murdered after the crash.”
Phil was shaking his head. “No. God, Stark, I had no idea. Fury would never have told me that, and neither would Peggy.”
Stark’s eyes narrowed. “And why is that?”
“Because,” Tony supplied, “they both relied on Phil’s idealism to keep him loyal.”
Phil made a face. “Don’t call me that.”
“Sucks to be you,” Tony said blandly.
Stark paced around the lab for several seconds. “I need some time.”
“Okay. Just promise me something.”
Stark just stared at him.
“Don’t watch that alone.”
His lips pressed into a thin line, but Stark eventually nodded.
– – – –
Tony tapped on the doorframe to the medical lab. “You wanted to see me?” After his conversation with Stark, he’d gone back to finishing up his work. But then he’d been summoned down to medical by Bruce.
“Hey, Tony. Come on in. I want to show you something,” Bruce said without looking up from the computer. “Oh, by the way, I confirmed that there’s no match between you and the sample Agent Coulson provided.”
“That was fast.”
“The processing power and speed of Tony’s lab systems is like nothing you’ve ever experienced.” Bruce looked up, blinked a few times, and then frowned. “Are you feeling okay? You look a bit…peaked.”
“Rough day.”
Bruce crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “You know it doesn’t work like that, right? With your physiology, no amount of stress should be showing. And I need to know if you’re not feeling well.”
“Eh. Just off. Tired. Maybe I need a sunbath,” he joked.
“Well, sit. I’d like to draw some blood just to make sure. But, uh, sitting in the sun couldn’t hurt.”
“It’s below zero out there.”
“You’ll manage.”
“You’re all heart.” Tony rolled up his sleeve and let Bruce poke at him. “So why am I really here?”
“Do you know anything about the super-soldier serum?”
“Outside of movies and pop culture, nothing whatsoever.”
Bruce put the blood samples in a tray in the refrigerator then tossed Tony a bottle of water. “We refer to the serum as one thing, but it’s really two component parts. The serum itself fuses to the cells and makes them, well, receptive to change, for lack of an easier way to explain it. Some form of radiation bonds the serum to the cells, which puts you in this adaptable state.
“This radiation has always been poorly understood. We haven’t got a ton of vibranium laying about, but Tony and I did some minor experiments, and the nature of gamma rays is altered—quite significantly—by the vibranium. Too much vibranium would just absorb the radiation, but by using it as a filter, it creates something new. Well, new to me. I do think Hydra hit on what Erskine called vita rays.”
“But we’re keeping all that on the down-low because we don’t need people trying to build more of me, right?”
“Absolutely, but we do need to figure out what was done to you.”
“Good. So, I assume the rest of the serum is…the actual changes they’re making?”
“Exactly. It’s like a carefully curated group of traits that whoever is doing the experiments might find desirable.”
“Like…for some weird reason, the ability the recharge in the sun?”
“Well, that may have been unintentional. I’ve looked over the records that SHIELD recovered from the facility, and there’s nothing about that being a deliberate result they sought.”
“Then why?”
Bruce hemmed and hawed and gave so many false starts that it started to become worrying.
Tony stared at him, wondering when the man was going to get up the nerve to say whatever it was he had to say. “Just spit it out, Bruce!”
He sighed and dragged his hands through his hair, causing the biggest rat’s nest Tony had ever seen. “Do you remember how I was clear with you about the role of the sun in regard to your recovery and how you weren’t a plant?”
“Vividly.”
“I may have been a bit mistaken.”
“A bit,” Tony repeated, “mistaken.”
“Just a…” He held up his hand, fingers about a half-inch apart.
“I see.” He considered for a second, then got to his feet and headed for the door.
“Wait! Don’t you want to hear about what I found?”
“No! I most assuredly do not. Not right now. Maybe not ever.” He paused at the security door. “Unless I’m going to start growing something. I mean, I’m not, am I?”
“No! At least, I don’t think so. It’s only—”
“Nope! Unless there’s a danger of me sprouting, or pollinating, I can’t deal with this right now. You’ll have to tell me how I’m related to a tree some other time.”
“Go sit in the sun for a while.”
Tony rolled his eyes so hard he was pretty sure he could see himself in another dimension.
– – – –
Steve exited the elevators on Bucky’s floor, wondering what was going on. He made a point to visit Bucky every day—sometimes more than once—but he tried to be sensitive to Buck– James’ tolerance for company. It’d been more than a week since Anthony had rescued James, and the room bore little resemblance to how it was in the beginning. They’d set up televisions, computers, books, art supplies…whatever he needed or wanted. And it was obvious that his memories were starting to return. It left Steve feeling hopeful.
In reality, James had turned out to be easier to deal with than Anthony. Steve couldn’t get a good sense of his grandson. They talked every day but, way too easily, Anthony would change. He’d go from conversing with Steve to observing Steve, and it was…unsettling.
He’d been planning to try to bring the issue to a head over dinner, but then Tony had asked that everyone meet them downstairs in James’ room.
Tony was pacing outside the security door with Bruce leaning against a nearby wall. The Iron Man armor was standing there as well.
“What’s going on?” When Tony met his gaze, it took Steve aback. “Hey. Are you okay?” Tony looked upset in a way Steve had never seen before.
“Just peachy, Cap. Just waiting on your progeny and Agent so we can get started.”
He knew Tony was lying to him. “Tony—”
“You’ll find out!” Tony exploded. “Okay? Is that enough for now? Can I keep my own counsel for five fucking minutes?”
Steve held up his hands in a surrender gesture. “My apologies.” It’s something Anthony had told him to work on…when to push. Steve thought it was a tactful way of telling Steve not to be so bullheaded about finding things out.
“Don’t—” Tony took a shuddery breath. “Don’t apologize if you haven’t done anything.”
“Tony,” Bruce began, sounding concerned, “I don’t know what’s going on, but can’t whatever it is wait? You can take however much time you need.”
“I’ve been taking the whole day,” Tony shot back. “I’ve decided how I’m handling things, and I’m gonna handle it.” He took a couple of deep breaths. “In other news, Agent sent me some intel earlier that there are reports that Thor is back on planet. Which I don’t get because he said it would at least be a few more months before the repairs to the bridge were complete, and that the other methods for powering travel here were inadvisable except in an emergency.”
“The tesseract and that dark energy he mentioned,” Bruce supplied.
“Right. And, I agree, both are bad news. But it can’t be too much of an emergency because he’s visiting his girlfriend rather than coming here. Still, I expect he will show up. So J is arranging to open another floor. I’m trying to minimize access above the level of the labs, but needs must.”
“He can stay with me,” Bruce offered.
“That’s okay.” At something Tony saw in Bruce’s expression, he added, “I know you mean it sincerely, but, well, maybe we should talk about that later.”
Bruce sighed. “Just say it, Tony. Whatever it is.”
“It’s something Glowworm said when I was considering putting Agent and Cavalry on your floor. That, for starters, you’re fundamentally an introvert and to always make sure that’s taken into consideration in rooming assignments, that you need roomies who respect your space and your need for quiet. But, uh, he also said the Big Guy should get a vote about it.”
Bruce’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“He said, and it makes sense, that if you don’t trust the people around you, it’ll make you, and by extension the Hulk part of you, edgy. We don’t need Green Bean edgy. And I don’t know if you noticed, but you were awfully tense whenever Natasha or Fury were around.”
Oh. Steve had completely missed that at the time but, thinking back on it, he knew Tony was right. Bruce had been very uncomfortable around Natasha.
“It’s not like there’s an open communication path here, but, uh…yeah. I can tell the other guy doesn’t like her. Or Fury, for that matter, but he reacts more strongly to Natasha.”
“He senses a threat from her,” Anthony chimed in as he rounded the corner, “that perhaps we don’t perceive. Maybe she’s slightly seductive with you. I could see that setting him on edge since it would feel manipulative.”
“Yeah, maybe. I’ll think about it.”
Even Steve could tell the subject was closed.
Anthony was staring at Tony. “What are we doing, Tony?”
“We’re going to lay it all out on the table, my little glowing friend. One big happy family, right?”
“Tony…”
“I need to do this,” Tony snapped. “My way.”
Anthony held up his hands. “All right.”
Steve looked between the two, feeling out of the loop and not liking it.
“Let’s do this.” Tony led the way into the security room between the hallway and James’ suite. James had put the glass in frosted mode. Notably, the armor followed them in. Steve was getting nervous about what was happening.
“Mr. Barnes is expecting you,” Jarvis said. “I’ll remove the privacy filter now.” The frosted glass faded to clear, showing James sitting on the couch, reading a book. He looked a little more relaxed every day. Except now.
“I think you’re starting to get your memories back,” Tony said the minute they were all inside. “I think you’re starting to remember bits of yourself, and I think this always happens. They can’t really erase your mind; they just put some blocks in place. But the memories always assert themselves, and your personality starts to return. The reason I think it’s happening already is because you started getting a little weird around me yesterday.”
James’ jaw clenched, and he pushed back into the sofa, staring at the wall but saying nothing.
“What is going on?” Steve nearly yelled.
Anthony curled a hand around his arm, shaking his head. “Just be patient,” he whispered.
Tony looked over at Steve. “Here’s the thing: Mr. Barnes thinks he killed my parents. He thinks he murdered my father.” He looked back to James. “He thinks he murdered his friend.”
Steve felt sick. Buck had killed Howard?
“I did kill them,” James said woodenly.
“No, you didn’t.”
“I remember!” James yelled. “It’s always the first thing to come back. I killed Howard.”
“No,” Tony insisted.
James looked confused and angry. “Stop this.”
“Here’s the truth, Buttercup: Nick Fury knew all along that my parents were assassinated because he and dear Aunt Peggy identified the bodies. They saw the evidence of assassination and paid for a fake ME report so that no one would know that Hydra had taken them out.”
Steve felt like he’d been slapped. Only Anthony’s hand around his arm kept him grounded. Why would Peggy lie like that?
“The other thing of note,” Tony turned to look straight at Steve, “is that Nick Fury has known for at least three years that James Barnes was alive and in the custody of Hydra. But he couldn’t afford to tell you that because then he’d have to disclose his part in covering up my father, your friend’s, murder.”
He turned back to James. “The order was given for Bucky Barnes, Howard’s friend, to carry out the assassination. But the order was apparently so repellant to Barnes that he broke through his programming to say no. No, I won’t kill my friend. And so they took the video of the real assassination and made it look like it was James Barnes. They used that video as part of your reconditioning. Probably in part as punishment but also as a reinforcement of your perception of their control over you.”
James was shaking his head. “No, I remember. I remember.”
“Do you?” Tony shot back. “Do you remember punching my father until pieces of bone were lodged in his brain? Do you remember the feel of his face collapsing under your fists, or do you see it?”
Bucky shot to his feet. “Stop this!”
Anthony was across the room like a shot, getting between James and Tony, weird little sparks coming off his skin. “Sit down and calm down,” Anthony said in a flat tone.
“I remember,” Bucky said plaintively.
“I know you do, but it didn’t happen,” Anthony whispered. “It’s a false memory.”
“So, we’re going to watch it, James Buchanan Barnes. We’re going to watch the real video. And you’re going to see that you’re not responsible for what happened to my parents, and I’m going to keep my promise to Tony that I won’t watch it alone.”
Anthony turned around and shot Tony a speaking look. “This isn’t exactly what I meant.”
“Consider it group fucking therapy, DiNozzo. I keep my promise to you and get some closure. Barnes gets a huge fucking weight lifted off his shoulders—not to mention a huge stumbling block in his damn recovery—and Steve gets to see the proof of how fucking far Nick Fury will go to control Captain America. And Bruce sure the fuck needs to know that.”
“What?” Steve had no idea how this had become about him.
“Your grandson can explain the ins and outs of Nicky’s twisted little mind later. But, yeah, Steve, Nick had the fake video. The only reason not to tell you about Barnes being alive was to keep your loyalties from being divided.”
“Oh god.”
“Okay,” Bruce said. “Everyone sit and be calm. There are three super soldiers, a Hulk, and an armored man in this room. I think tensions are a little too high.” When no one reacted, he yelled. “Sit!” He coughed. “Doctor’s orders.”
“Five super soldiers in the room,” Anthony said as he herded James to the couch and sat next to him. “You’re not exempt just because it’s part-time, Bruce. And Stark sure the hell earned the title.”
Tony seemed a little flustered as he sat on Anthony’s other side. Steve perched on the couch arm next to Tony, and Bruce took the same position on James’ other side.
“All right, J,” Tony said, taking a deep breath. “Cue it up.”
It was only a few minutes, but it was some of the most torturous minutes of Steve’s life. He knew Tony wasn’t often keen on being touched, but he couldn’t help but reach out and lay a hand on Tony’s arm when the nameless assassin began strangling Tony’s mother. Unexpectedly, Tony turned his hand over and grabbed onto Steve, holding tight through the rest of the video.
After the video ended, and the screen had gone black, the only sound that could be heard was Tony and James’ breathing. Tony’s was rapid and sounded nearly panicked while James’ had a shuddery quality to it.
Steve was furious, but he knew he had to rein it in because this wasn’t about him. It was about two people he cared about who were both hurting right now.
“I’ve always blamed my dad for my mom’s death. Thinking he was drunk and got her killed,” Tony whispered. “The ME’s report said he was drunk. Did Nick have to do that too? Did he have to make me really hate my own father for taking my mother away?”
Steve wasn’t sure where the impulse came from, but he pulled Tony up into his arms and hugged him.
Tony was rigid. “Oh my god, you’re hugging me.”
“I’m so sorry, Tony.”
“Then why are you hugging me?”
“I’m not sorry for that! I’m just…” He hugged a little tighter. “I’m sorry. For Howard and Maria and James…and you. And I’m gonna kick Fury’s ass.”
Tony was stiff and unyielding, and Steve was just about to let go, when he suddenly sagged against Steve, arms coming around Steve’s waist. “I’m so angry,” he whispered against Steve’s shoulder.
“I know. It’s okay to be mad, Tony. We’ll fix it, okay? I promise.”
Chapter Eight
Tony leaned on the balcony railing, staring out over the lights of the Manhattan skyline. Since he was a kid, he’d loved New York City at night.
“Does anything ever get to you?” Stark’s voice came from behind him. He’d heard the elevator arrive, so he wasn’t startled by the sudden question. He’d mentioned his heightened senses to Bruce, but they hadn’t had time to really explore the issue. Steve and Barnes both heard better than normal, but it didn’t seem like their hearing was quite as enhanced as Tony’s.
He looked behind him to find Stark with his hands shoved in his pockets, expression blank. He was wearing a leather jacket in deference to the cold. “Yeah, of course. It all gets to me.”
Stark moved closer and mirrored Tony’s position, leaning against the railing about a foot away. “Well, no one can tell. A couple weeks ago, you were kidnapped, tortured, experimented on… But you’re solid as a rock. All the time.”
“It’s just one foot in front of the other until it’s safe to lose my shit.”
“And what does that look like? When you lose your shit? Presumably, that’s a figurative expression…”
“Thank fuck it hasn’t ever been literal! And it depends. Sometimes I cook until there’s more than a year’s worth of pasta and sauce in the freezer. Sometimes I beat a punching bag until my hands bleed. Other times I get in the shower and tell myself the water on my face isn’t tears.” He shrugged. “I tried getting high once, but marijuana makes me nauseated, and it’s a little too much like drinking to deal with my feelings, which I won’t do. Most of the time, it’s one of the above in addition to a marathon of very athletic sex.”
Stark sputtered a laugh. “Okay, then. Which of the above do you think this time is?”
“Oh, probably all of the above eventually. Except the pot, ‘cause ew. Eventually, I’m going to have to deal with how I feel about being turned into something else. That’ll probably be the punching bag—optimally, sex would be after the punching, but with Hydra hunting me, I think my options are limited. The whole my father isn’t my father and I have a grandfather who is younger than me? Well, there’ll be a lot of pasta dinners over that.”
“And sex.”
Tony laughed. “Yeah. Sex too.”
After a pause, Stark asked, “The shower?”
“I hate crying. And not because of any manly stereotypes, but it makes me all congested, and then I have a headache like I just drank a magnum of champagne.” The truth was, he hated crying because of the loss of control it represented but, sometimes, he needed to lose control. He sighed. “But, yes, that too.” He hesitated. “They tortured a woman to death in front of me so that I’d cooperate. I may need to have that shower in a blast room in case there’s more than tears when I deal with how I feel about that.”
“You know, I always thought my ability to compartmentalize was good, but you’re in a whole other league. Did your work teach you that?”
“My father taught me that.” Tony didn’t volunteer any more about his father, and Stark didn’t ask. After a minute or two of silence, he added, “That ability to box away how I feel is part of why I have the job I have.”
Stark scoffed. “You’re not the only person in the world who can compartmentalize. I’d think being really good at figuring shit out is a major factor.”
“True.”
Stark nudged his arm. “You know, if you need a partner for the marathon of athletic sex, well, I’m single now. Just sayin’.”
Tony glanced over to find Stark watching him. “And if Steve wasn’t a factor, I’d climb you like a tree right now, get a leg up, so to speak, on the sex portion of the dealing with how I feel.”
Frowning, Stark repeated, “Steve? What does he have to do with anything?”
“Uh, well, I think it’d put a strain on the budding familial bond if I started screwing the guy he’s holding a torch for, no matter how casual the fucking was.”
Stark’s mouth fell open, and he just stared.
“Oh lord.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “You seriously don’t notice the way he watches you? The way he mirrors you, the way he turns toward you whenever you’re in the vicinity?”
“Are you saying…?”
“I thought I was pretty clear already but, yeah, he’s got an epic boner for you. Now, I can’t say that he’s sorted all that out in his own head. For all I know, he’s struggling with internalized homophobia, though I don’t get that vibe. Clueless maybe, but not homophobic.”
“No.” Stark shook his head. “No. You must be mistaken.”
Tony laughed. “Yeah, no. Between body language and microexpressions, there’s no way I’m wrong.” He gave Stark a pointed look. “It’s not like he’s alone, now is he?”
Stark sputtered. “You can’t possibly— He can’t— Stop it! That’s invasive as fuck.”
“You opened that can of worms, dude. I keep my observations to myself usually.”
After a long time, Stark finally got it together and said, “You’re really saying that this thing with Steve is mutual?”
“You tell me? If I read you, why couldn’t I just as easily read him? And believe me, he’s the more obvious of the two of you. You’re better than most about not letting things slip.”
“Could those tells be different back in the 40s?”
“No. Attraction indicators like mirroring and squaring off are subconscious and instinctive. We were probably doing it in the caves.”
“Huh.” Stark stared off into the night sky, looking pensive. “So, no drinking, no drugs, no sex…”
“Are you looking for ways to help me decompress, or are you looking for company from the other person in the building who’s as emotionally compromised right now as you are?”
“Ouch. Tell me how you really feel, Sparky.” He pointed at Tony. “And don’t think we didn’t all notice how you were putting off literal sparks down there. Bruce said he needs you in the lab tomorrow.”
Tony shook his head. “I’ll drop by and let him do some more blood work, but the report is due tomorrow. I’m in the home stretch, and it’s all writing at this point. I had to take a break because I was going crosseyed. After that, he can poke and prod. And don’t think I didn’t notice how you evaded the question by making this be about me.” He nudged Stark’s shoulder. “There’s a gym, right?”
“Yeah, full training facilities.”
“Want to watch me and Steve beat the crap out of each other?”
“Oh, hell yes!” As they headed toward the elevator, Stark added, “Think you can get him to take his shirt off?”
“Really? You think I’m doing this so you can ogle my grandfather?”
“Actually, yeah.”
“Well, you’re not wrong.”
– – – –
Steve accepted the icepack from James and applied it to his jaw. “He hits like a sledgehammer.”
James snorted. “Yeah, I know. He knocked me unconscious. That’s never happened before.” He hesitated. “I don’t think.”
Steve shot him a concerned look. “You okay?”
James waved it away. “I need time to think. I don’t care how much Stark says it or how much I watch…that…it’s not what I remember. I have bits and pieces of memories, but now I wonder what’s real.”
“Maybe when there’s more, you’ll be able to compare. See if fake memories feel different from real ones.”
“I guess.” James shrugged as if he couldn’t be bothered to care. “Any progress on finding out the control words?”
“Not really. There are records, but Hydra used a weird system to keep information hidden. Anthony is training Jarvis on how to comb through the data to see if they can decode any of it.”
“Weird in what way?”
“For instance, there were recipes in one of the folders. Anthony took a quick glance at it and said it was some kind of code because the proportions don’t make sense, but he couldn’t focus on it yet. Jarvis was able to decode it, however, and said it’s information about one of Hydra’s labs.”
“He’s still working on the secret thing?”
Steve nodded. He’d mentioned to James that Anthony had a top-secret project, and James had never pushed for more information. Not that Steve had answers to give. And the secrecy wore on his patience a little. “He said tomorrow is the last day.” He rotated his jaw. “I’m glad he had to get back to work because I’ve never been so glad to see a spar end.”
“He’s going to have to learn to temper his strength.”
“He knows. He was horrified when I went flying right out of the ring.”
“So…he’s really your grandson?”
Steve had only brought that up recently. “Yeah. Dr. Banner confirmed it.”
“That’s peculiar. Who’d you have an affair with? Did I know her?”
“I never told you if that’s what you’re asking, but you might remember her. Elizabeth Rossi? Army nurse at that base hospital in England?”
James cocked his head to the side, obviously thinking. Steve waited patiently, following Anthony and Bruce’s advice not to prod James into remembering. “Wait. Tall, leggy blonde with green eyes?”
Steve blinked in shock. “Yeah.”
“Everyone called her Betty except you. It was, uh…” He shook his head. “I can’t remember.”
“Beth.”
“Right! Beth.” James frowned. “She was way out of your league.”
“Hey!” Steve chucked the ice pack at James, and James smiled. A real, genuine smile.
Then James abruptly sobered. “You know he’s not like us, right?”
Steve didn’t even pretend to play dumb. “I figured. I’ve never sparkled. Or is that sparked?”
“Hydra was frustrated with Johnson’s lack of progress, his curiosity. He was supposed to be finding ways to improve the super soldiers, but he kept on makin’ these weird things.”
“Like what?”
“He was trying to bring adaptive traits from other species into humans. Von Strucker told him to stop, but Johnson was determined to make what he called a biological masterpiece. He had us stealing all kinds of weird things from government agencies, SHIELD…”
“What kinds of things?”
“I don’t even know what some of them were. If he hadn’t found DiNozzo and set us to track his movements, our next assignment was going to be to try to get ahold of this alien corpse that SHIELD had.”
“An alien,” Steve repeated dumbly. He’d already heard about the alien SHIELD had, but the idea Hydra might have put something like that into his grandson was infuriating.
“It never got that far, but Johnson had tried a lot of weird things.”
Even though he was repulsed, Steve had to ask, “Did he ever succeed?”
“Sometimes. Mostly they died when he exposed them to the radiation. Which is why he had to figure out that metal mesh thing. He thought Hydra was going to extend the expiration date of his project based on that, but von Strucker wasn’t impressed.” James shrugged. “Of those who survived the procedure, most of them died within a day or two.”
“Any who survived?”
“A few. Some were executed because the success wasn’t what Johnson wanted. Like there was this one who glowed all the time. Johnson didn’t intend there to be any lights, you know? It was an unintended side effect.”
“So they just killed him?”
James met his gaze squarely. “I killed him.”
“James, that wasn’t you.”
“Don’t!” James held his hand out. “I remember. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know anything else, I remember killing with these hands, Steve. I didn’t remember me, but I still did it. So don’t say I didn’t.”
Steve bit back his desire to persuade James he wasn’t at fault. “How do I help?”
“I don’t know. Just don’t be trying to persuade me that I’m innocent. I may get back Bucky Barnes’ memories someday, but I’ll still have the Soldier’s memories too. James has to find a way to live with both. And you don’t get to tell me how to feel about it.”
“Okay.”
James nodded sharply. “Let’s play cards or somethin’. I’m done talking.” Jarvis had thoughtfully provided James with a lot of aids to help with one-handed functionality while Stark worked on the new arm. They’d tried to get him a standard prosthetic, but it didn’t work out because Bruce said he’d need some surgery on his shoulder, and there was no point in doing it before the new arm design.
They settled into playing gin. After a couple of hands, James asked, “Don’t I prefer poker?”
Steve grinned. “Yeah, you do.”
– – – –
The next morning, Steve’s jaw felt fine. Sparring injuries rarely lasted more than a few hours for him, but this had taken most of the night to heal. He’d wanted to see how Tony was doing this morning, but Jarvis reported that he was holed up in his lab, not to be disturbed unless there was an emergency. He hadn’t spent as much time around Tony as he’d like to, but he’d noticed working in his lab was how Tony dealt with stress. It had been encouraging that Tony had sought out company in Anthony last night and had been willing to watch them spar.
A part of him wished that it had been him that Tony sought out, but he ignored that voice. What Tony had been through yesterday was something Steve couldn’t even imagine—having to see his parents being murdered—and Steve was just grateful that Tony hadn’t shut them all out.
“Good morning, Captain Rogers,” Jarvis’ voice came softly from the speakers hidden in the ceiling.
“Morning, Jarvis.” After a beat, he asked, “How are you this morning?” He’d noticed how Tony and Anthony both interacted with Jarvis more socially, treating him like he was a real person. It had struck Steve considering how he tried to be polite to Jarvis, but he’d still always treated him like a machine.
“I am well, thank you, Captain. Your grandson is teaching me many interesting things, and I find the work quite fulfilling.”
“That’s good.” He really didn’t know what Anthony was teaching Jarvis or what a computer-based person like Jarvis might find fulfilling, so he didn’t feel like he could be conversant on the subject.
“Your grandson asked if you were available to meet with him over breakfast. He said he’d sent you a text and then called but thought perhaps you were still sleeping. I assured him I would entreat with you on his behalf.”
“Oh.” Steve looked around. “I think I forgot to charge the phone.” One of the things Steve had the hardest time adjusting to was the way the modern century seemed to require a phone at hand at all times. Many aspects of modern technology were obviously iterative advancements, and he understood those things fairly well. But it was the behavior changes that tripped him up. Such as having a phone glued to your backside.
“It’s in your bedroom, sir.”
“Right. I’ll get it later. Yes, of course I’ll meet with Anthony. I’ll be right up.” He always had dinner with Anthony and usually lunch, but Anthony had said he wasn’t a morning person and far too grouchy to be civil before ten, so the breakfast request was odd.
He found Anthony setting the table with a ton of food. Mostly breakfast staples like eggs, bacon, and pancakes, but there was also a giant bowl of…pasta? “Is that really pasta?”
“Eh. I was up all night. I decided to make pasta. Considering how much we eat, I figured pasta could be an anytime food. Another conversation put the ‘make pasta’ idea in my brain.”
“It’s fine with me.” He hesitated briefly. “Is you not sleeping why we’re having breakfast?”
“More or less. I couldn’t sleep because there’s something I need to do today, and I was going to talk to you after and explain some stuff, but it wasn’t sitting well. I finally decided I needed to talk to you first, but I do have to turn this in today, so…” He gestured to the table. “Breakfast.”
Steve sat, wondering what was bothering Anthony to that degree. “Should we get Tony up here? If you’re going to explain what you’ve been up to, he should probably be involved. Maybe Bruce too.”
“Tony knows some stuff already, but the things I need to talk to you about are more about how what I’m doing relates to you.”
“Then we should get Tony up here.”
Anthony blinked a few times. “Why? You don’t even know what it is. What I have to say could be personal.”
Steve shook his head. “I don’t want there to be secrets on the team. That’s not the way teams work.”
“See!” Anthony pointed at him. “That right there! That’s the very thing!”
Steve pulled back as if Anthony was about to start poking him. “What?”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say but you’ve decided something. Where the hell does that certainty in the face of ignorance come from?”
Blinking in shock, Steve opened and then closed his mouth, not sure how to reply.
Anthony blew out a breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just…you drive me crazy sometimes.”
“I do?” He was completely bewildered.
“I don’t want to have to do this. Really, it should be someone else’s job—like a boss or a parent or a lover or something. And I want to get to know you, try to be family, but now I have to tell you shitty things, and I don’t want to.” He dropped his head, letting it thunk off the table.
Steve winced. “Anthony, I’m confused.”
“I know.” He sighed and sat up straight. “Let’s eat and talk. It’ll feel less like a come-to-Jesus meeting if there’s the social aspect of dining together.”
“Okay.” He filled his plate and began eating.
“I’ll start by explaining what I’ve done and why. Well, part of it.”
“Can you start instead by telling me what about my statement was so wrong?”
“Honestly, Steve, I don’t understand your certainty sometimes. If it were certainty based on experience, it’d be one thing, even if I didn’t agree with what you were certain about, but you sometimes proclaim something as true when you know almost nothing about it. You don’t know anything about what I’m going to say to you, and yet you think Tony and Bruce need to hear it. Moreover, you don’t think anyone is entitled to privacy.”
“I never said that.”
“Yeah, you did. You said teams don’t have secrets.”
“It wasn’t what I meant.”
“It doesn’t matter what you meant. Any way you could have meant it is nonsense. Tony has obligations to his company that you’re not entitled to know anything about. He works on top-secret projects all the time, and none of it is any of your or my business.”
Steve struggled with feeling defensive because he felt like Anthony was willfully misunderstanding him.
“I have the highest security clearance you can possibly have, much higher than yours, Coulson’s, or even Stark’s. And there will always be things I can’t discuss.”
“And anything that secret you wouldn’t be here talking to me about anyway,” Steve snapped.
“But that’s my point. You don’t know where your security clearance is compared to anyone else; you just decided that it must be a conversation for everyone.”
“We should all be able to talk about the same things,” he insisted.
“The world doesn’t work that way. In the military, there are often things the CO knows that they not only don’t tell their subordinates, but they cannot share. Legally. Morally. Ethically. That’s the way the world works. When you’re in some positions, and you take certain oaths, or sign certain agreements, you have a duty and a responsibility to fulfill your oath.”
Frustrated, Steve set his fork down. “I don’t like that.”
“Who cares?”
Steve flinched a bit.
“Seriously. Why do you think it matters what you like? Just this country is 300 million people. Why do you think what you want should matter more than what I want or what Tony wants or what the law says has to happen?”
“You’re twisting things.”
“No, I’m following the stubborn statement you made to a logical conclusion that you don’t particularly like.” Anthony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Look, I’m not here to tell you off, but I don’t get you a lot of the time. I don’t get the strength of your opinions and your certainty when you don’t even understand the way the world works. And when you say to me that there shouldn’t be secrets, I’m not sure if you’re arrogant as fuck or ridiculously naïve. Because, I promise you, it doesn’t matter how close we ever get, there will be secrets. And not just my work. You are not entitled to know more about me than I want to share.
“Yes, there’s a certain level of disclosure on a team, but what those things are is pretty well defined already, and if it wasn’t, it would be the consensus of the team, not your personal preferences, that would decide the matter.”
Steve took several bites of his food, trying to get his thoughts in order. He forced himself to be calm and think the situation through. “Can you give me some examples?”
“For example, in a team like the Avengers, everyone needs to know the field readiness of their teammates. They need to know if they’re going to be compromised in any way in the field so they can make adjustments.”
“I agree with that.”
“But they don’t have the right to know if someone got laid the night before.”
Steve scowled at Anthony. “That’s private information.”
“I’m encouraged that you’re at least drawing some lines. Tell me, do you think I should have told Tony about his parents with you present?”
“Yes,” he said emphatically.
“Why? You obviously needed to know at some point since Fury has basically involved you, but why should you have been allowed to be there to hear something so deeply personal and painful?”
Steve shook his head. “No, you’re right. I’m not entitled to that. But I should be able to—” He caught himself and frowned, catching a bit of what Anthony was trying to say. “I would have wanted to be there to support him.”
“That is a good answer.” Anthony hesitated. “This is an aside, but since we’re there… If he never lets you be there for him in those moments, you need to learn how to set aside what you want and not be offended. Tony Stark is intensely private. Even with a lover, I doubt he lets them see him be that vulnerable.”
“He shouldn’t have to be that closed off.”
“You don’t get to erase his past.”
“I’m not trying to! Why are you misinterpreting everything I say?”
“Maybe you should listen to how you sound when you say shit like that. You often sound like you’re dispensing morality or standards, and it’s weird.” He blew out his breath, making a raspberry sound. “Can I ask you something?”
“I… Yes, of course.” No, he really didn’t want to have this conversation.
“Where does it come from? Where did you get this certainty?”
“I’ve always known what I wanted.”
“And that’s great, but why do you think that what you want is in any way meaningful to anyone else?”
He considered that while half the stack of pancakes. “I guess it isn’t. When I was younger, what I wanted usually wasn’t important.”
“Can I give you two different perspectives on your life? Two views using the same data points?”
“Can I stop you?”
“You can. I’m not here to make you see reason or even my point of view. I can tell you what I need to tell you then send my report in to the Joint Chiefs and call it a day.” There was no anger in Anthony’s tone, but Steve thought forcing things to be all business like that would be a bad idea.
“Tell me the two views.”
“You’re a young man, you see your friends going off to war, to serve and fight back an enemy that is a threat to our way of life, and you want to serve too.”
“I wanted to do my part.”
“I hear you. So, you kept trying to get into the military, but they kept rejecting you, not seeing that, despite your limitations, there was a way, some way, any way, for you to serve, for you to help. Your tenacity brings you to Erskine’s attention, and he gets you in under a special waiver. You do a couple of weeks of Basic, and then volunteer for an experiment to make a better soldier to help fight back the Nazis.
“The military decides in its infinite wisdom that one super soldier isn’t all that useful, so they sideline you but give you the honorary rank of captain and send you on the road. And you accept their decision and try to do your part because you’d always known there was a way for you to serve. Even if that was just helping to sell war bonds. Until your friend was captured by the enemy, and you defied everything in the military complex to find your friend, to bring him home.”
Steve wasn’t sure why, but he felt uncomfortable. “Okay.”
“Let’s look at that another way. You can’t accept the military’s no and break several laws trying to fake your way in. Instead of getting arrested, Erskine gets you that waiver because he sees you as desperate. When you can’t cut it in Basic, you volunteer for unethical human experimentation, you agree to be a lab rat, because you’re that desperate to be needed. Then they find that a single super-you isn’t at all what they need, so they give you a stage name and rank and send you on the road. You do it because what else are you going to do? You never complete Basic, your rank isn’t real, and you never received any real officer’s training.
“When your friend is taken, you decide you’re right and everyone else is wrong, and you defy orders to go get Bucky Barnes. And because there was a war on and resources were in desperately short supply, they didn’t send you to Leavenworth for violating your orders and deserting your post.”
“Stop.” Steve held up both hands, shaking his head.
“Steve,” Anthony said gently, “don’t you think the truth is somewhere between those two? One is an idealized version, and the other is the worst possible interpretation of the events. But I think you’re wrapped up in projecting the former when you feel like the latter. I think it’s possible that other than when you were actively in combat that you felt like an imposter, and now you’re in a century you don’t understand, you have to project even harder the idealized version of you because you feel even more like you don’t belong.”
It felt like he’d been ripped open and laid bare. “Why are you saying these things?”
“Because you’re not ready for the world yet. Nick Fury exploited that to turn you into a weapon he could point at problems. But he was playing with fire because eventually you’d start to understand and have questions. And with your need to project certainty and be right, that could have been a fucking disaster.”
Steve stared at the table, trying to get his thoughts in order. “You’re saying I’m a fraud.”
“No. I think you feel like a fraud, and that’s why you project so much certainty about things you have to know you’re basically ignorant of.” There was a brief pause. “Steve, please look at me.”
Not really wanting to do this, he looked up and met Anthony’s gaze. Green eyes that were so much like Beth’s.
“You were so unprepared and untrained for the situation you found yourself in back in your day, but you pulled it off. You may have felt like a fraud, but you brought it home, and you were willing to give everything up to save people. There is so much good about you, so much raw potential, but you need time to realize it. You need time to learn who Steve Rogers is. Time to grieve for everything you lost. Time to learn about and accept the world the way it is today. You need time to be Steve Rogers, not Captain America.”
It clicked for Steve. “You don’t think I belong on the team?”
“Not as a full member, no. Not at this time. One of the tasks I was given was to write a recommendation for the future of the Avengers. I didn’t say any of that stuff about your life or feeling like a fraud, but I did write about the trauma of what you’ve been through, about how you don’t understand how the world works—even from the point of view of the structure of world governments. You lost everything, and the world owes you time and space to find your footing. To figure out who you want to be.”
“And what does that mean for me?”
“If they accept my recommendation, it means you’ll train with the team, and you’ll be on call for world-ending type emergencies—likes aliens are knocking on our atmosphere. But that whatever else the Avengers are tapped to do, you wouldn’t be called up, any more than Bruce would be. You’d be heavy hitters called in when the situation was dire. Until such time as you are acclimated to the modern world, have passed the standard psychological tests for a field operative, and have completed the full officer training school. When that’s all done, assuming it’s even what you still wanted, you’d be moved to the full-time roster.”
Steve couldn’t get his thoughts in order. “Have you been evaluating me all this time?”
“Yes and no. Yes, in the sense that I took the information from SHIELD and formed a recommendation. No, in that I’m not having conversations with you just so I can assess you. Like anyone else, I form personal opinions. My opinion about you probably feeling like a fraud didn’t go in my report because it was formed in our personal interactions, and it’s not really germane. And since I’m not a practicing psychologist, I don’t have to diagnose anyone.
“But if you’re feeling singled out, don’t. I did literally everyone, including Melinda May since she was added to the mix.”
“Is that what you do? Just sit around making opinions about people and writing reports?” Steve bit out.
Anthony’s eyebrows shot up, and he stared for several seconds. “More or less. My job is to evaluate data and form opinions.”
“You should have told me that you were writing an assessment about me. I had the right to know that.”
“It doesn’t work that way. This whole situation fucked the most important intelligence project in the country. We’re going to do our best to salvage something, but the President, our commander in chief, wants answers as to why. And he asked for my assessment of Hydra, SHIELD, and the Avengers. He’s asked me to recommend what should stay and what should go—and who. And that’s what I did. If you can’t deal with that, too bad.”
Steve got to his feet
Anthony didn’t rise, but he held out a hand in a stop gesture. “I’m sorry. That was unnecessarily harsh, but I do what I’m asked to do—”
“You can’t hide behind your so-called responsibility!”
“You mean the way you hide behind yours?” Anthony snapped. “God. This is devolving, and that’s not what I wanted. I could have said no, and they’d have had someone do it from the outside who knew nothing of the participants. And believe me, no reputable psychologist is going to authorize you for fieldwork right now.”
“These are the kinds of secrets that hurt teams!”
“I am not your team,” Anthony said slowly. “I am the director of a highly classified intelligence project who was abducted, tortured, and experimented on. The idea has been presented to me that I will officially be part of the Avengers Initiative, but I don’t know if that’s what I want. I need time to sort myself out after everything that’s happened.
“Nick Fury has tried to make me, you, Stark, Barnes, and the whole of HELIOS pieces on his spy-games chessboard because he thinks he knows best. That no one but Nick Fury understands the game or how it should be played. That no one but him can be trusted to take care of the whole fucking world.”
Anthony’s expression was stony, his voice cold. “I am many things, Captain, but I am not your teammate. I am your grandson, a relationship we can choose to ignore if that’s what you wish. More importantly, I am the person doing the official assessment of every member of the Avengers and of the SHIELD organization. And I am officially recommending that you be benched until you understand the century you live in and get some fucking therapy. I’m also recommending that SHIELD be torn down to its foundation and then we salt and burn the ashes of what’s left. If you don’t like what I do, too damn bad.”
Steve stood, mouth hanging open, feeling like he’d been sucker-punched. Something about the words Anthony had used felt like there were parallels between him and… “You think I’m like Fury.”
Anthony blinked and shook his head. “No, I never said that. I didn’t write it or think it. Though you do both think your view of things is the view. That you’re the only ones who can be trusted to make sure things come out the right way. In that way, yeah. But you drew that conclusion, not me. The difference is that Nick is willing to sacrifice anyone to achieve his aims. You’ll have to get more current on modern media to understand why people hate the phrase, ‘for the greater good.’”
Steve was a toxic mix of anger, confusion, and hurt. And he couldn’t even articulate why he felt some of those things. “What is it that you want?”
“In what respect?”
“Me! What do you want from me? Of me? For me? Pick one.”
“I want to be family,” he said softly. “And I knew what I had to say was going to be hurtful to you, but I couldn’t send a report to the Joint Chiefs and the President saying that you shouldn’t lead the Avengers and not talk to you first. I take my duty very seriously, and I don’t like that this has put me in any kind of conflict, but it was because I care about you. I mean, it’s barely been more than a week and I’m stupidly invested in all of you, but that doesn’t change my responsibility to my country or my team. My actual team. The team of people who trust me to make sure their cover stays intact. The people Nick Fury put at risk with his stupid attempt to strong-arm me.
“So, my wants aren’t even remotely important in this situation. I have to send this, and then I have to work on taking HELIOS apart so that some really good people don’t wind up abducted and tortured because Nick Fury thinks his vision is all that matters.”
Steve was conflicted. He wanted to reassure his grandson, to comfort him, but he was hurt and angry and felt spied on. He winced, profoundly understanding Anthony’s comments about secrets and privacy, and how Steve’s statement was made from an ignorance that bordered on arrogance.
“I need time to think,” he finally said. It wasn’t his normal way of dealing with things, but retreat was the safer option. He didn’t want to lose Anthony, didn’t want to drive a wedge between them, but he knew that’s what would happen if they kept talking before he got clear in his own mind.
“Okay.” Anthony got to his feet, hands shoved in his pockets. He looked weary. “Find your phone, and you can text me if you have any questions. And uh,” he waved at the table, “take the pasta. You need to eat more and it’s portable.”
Steve grabbed the bowl and went to the elevators, the image of Anthony standing there, silently watching, burned into his memory.
“Which floor, Captain?”
Steve winced a little at the title. He started to tell Jarvis to take him back to his floor but abruptly changed his mind. “Is Tony still in blackout mode?”
“One moment.” There was about a thirty-second pause. “Sir is available. Would you prefer to come to the lab? Sir has offered to meet you elsewhere if you’d rather.”
“The lab.” Something about Tony’s workspace had become very comfortable to him, and he needed that comfort to get his head together. Maybe make a start on figuring out what the future might hold for him.
Chapter Nine
“God, this is good,” Tony mumbled around a mouthful of Steve’s pasta. “If I’d known Glowworm was going to be up all night cooking, I wouldn’t have slept in the lab.” Steve hadn’t been in the mood to eat—plus, there was easily enough for four—so he’d handed it over when Tony expressed interest.
Steve had relayed what had happened, wanting Tony’s advice but, instead, he got a commentary on the food. “Tony.” He sighed, feeling frustrated.
“I’m not ignoring you, but it’d help to know what he actually said.” Tony took another big bite.
“I told you.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so, Icy. There’s no way your grandson called you a fraud. So why don’t you tell me his actual words.”
Steve crossed his arms. “That was the gist of it.”
“Steve.” Tony set the fork down and glared. “What did your little grandglowbaby say?”
Steve blew out a breath. “I don’t want to repeat all that…”
“But you don’t mind if I know?”
Steve shrugged.
“J, ask Sparky if he has your permission to replay the conversation between him and Steve.”
“Tony, don’t…” Steve huffed. “I guess it’s okay.” He wasn’t sure he actually wanted Tony to hear all that.
After a few seconds, Jarvis said, “Director DiNozzo has granted permission.”
“You record everything in the tower?” Steve wondered why that didn’t bother him more.
“A lot is recorded, yes, but Jarvis doesn’t actively pay attention to most things. There have to be certain keywords or actions to trigger the use of a primary process. Also, Sparky knows everything on my floor is monitored at all times. When I’m not there, anything that he’s up to is kept encrypted unless he gives permission for it to be unlocked.” Tony forked up another bite of pasta. “Play it, J.”
Tony’s face was expressionless as he listened to the recording while eating, except for the portion where Anthony advised Steve that Tony might never let him close about some issues. Steve winced several times, feeling hurt all over again at certain places.
When it was over, Tony gave Steve a look. “He never called you a fraud, Steve.” He sighed. “What’s really going on? Is it that he was writing this report and didn’t tell you about it?”
“That’s one thing. Don’t you feel like he was spying on you?”
“No. Unlike some of the people SHIELD has sent here, Sparky was pretty straight with me about what he was doing—once he was able to tell me about it. And it’s not like he’s in the tower under false pretenses. Also, the minute he found information that was relevant to me personally, he put his reports on hold so he could investigate the issue and then came to me with it.” Tony shrugged. “Besides, his report is probably the least biased one I’ve ever read about myself.”
“You’ve read it?”
“Yes. And Bruce read the report on him. Both of them.”
“Both?” Steve echoed, completely confused.
“Sparkles did an assessment on Bruce and Green Bean after that dust-up at Culver University. From what I’ve been able to figure out, Sparky’s report is why the President put a leash on Ross. SHIELD claimed to Bruce that they’ve been keeping other interested parties away, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. No doubt Fury was tracking Bruce for his own ends, but the reason the US government backed off was because of DiNozzo’s assessment.
“Anyway,” Tony waved his hand dismissively, “the point is that when Bruce asked, your glowbaby sent him that original report. And it’s not like Bruce didn’t figure Sparkles was assessing him. So he asked to read the next report whenever it was available, which was provided this morning. I got mine yesterday. I really, really, really want to read the one he wrote on SHIELD, but we have to wait for permission.” Tony sighed mournfully.
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“That someone competent, intelligent, and fair is the person writing an assessment of me that could very easily affect my security clearance? Uh, how about no. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’m fucking ecstatic, Steve. Look,” Tony stabbed the fork into the pasta. “Most people who do assessments on me are A—wrong, and B—bordering on cruel for their own petty reasons. What DiNozzo sent in? Literally the fairest and, honestly? The nicest assessment I’ve read.
“Do I like being picked apart that way? No, but them’s the breaks when you hold a high security clearance, and I’ve always known that. And I never thought being an Avenger would come with less scrutiny. The US government only ever gave me a security clearance because of the defense contracts. They’ve always thought I was too unstable, which was entirely based on reports written by people who didn’t understand me.”
Steve considered that, his thoughts spinning in circles. “Why would they believe his report over any of the others.
Tony laughed. A little harder and longer than Steve thought was appropriate. “I had to make some inquiries into what HELIOS did after we found out about your glowbaby, and the head of HELIOS is, world wide, considered to be the best intelligence mind alive. His team are all exceptional, but what I was told is that he’s in another class. From what I’ve heard, his cover getting blown has the President enraged. So, to answer your question, people just don’t disregard a report from HELIOS, especially if it came directly from Hermes.”
“Is his cover really blown? Fury isn’t going to endanger those people, is he?”
“Steve, the fact that Fury is even thinking about using DiNozzo’s team as leverage to get him over to SHIELD means his cover is compromised. I had a lightbulb moment about HELIOS and how to salvage some of it, but I’m waiting to hear back about some stuff, and I don’t want to bring it up if it isn’t viable.”
Steve slumped in his chair. “I don’t think I understand the scope of intelligence work in this day and age.”
“Maybe not, and that’s an issue, don’t you think?”
“I guess it is.” He blew out a breath. “Jarvis, can I read his report on me?”
“One moment, sir.”
“You can read the one he wrote on me if you want.” Tony sounded casual, but Steve thought it seemed like a front.
“You don’t mind?”
“Yes and no. I’m not really comfortable with people having a lot of insight into the real me, but it’s fair, it’s accurate, and I think you should read it. And not because teams don’t have secrets.” He shot Steve a glare, and Steve felt his cheeks warm. “But because none of that really is a secret, and maybe you’ll understand a little better what he’s about.” Tony shrugged. “And maybe what I’m about.” Before Steve could say anything, Tony handed him a fork. “Now help me finish this before you get into reading. It’d be a crime to let this go to waste.”
They shared the bowl, and Tony left Steve to his thoughts while they ate. The food was good, but it felt like a lead brick in his stomach. Tony then worked on some project Steve didn’t understand while Steve read the report written about Tony.
It was both enlightening and confusing. “He doesn’t recommend you for field duty either.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t get it. Why doesn’t that make you mad?”
“He’s not wrong about the whole initiative being a hot mess. It needs to be reformed with better guidelines and better oversight. But he’s also not wrong about me never getting trauma counseling after New York or after those shenanigans with AIM. And that’s not even touching on Afghanistan.”
“And he really thinks talking is going to make it all better?”
“Wow,” Tony said on a breath. “Scale back the derision, Rogers. Trauma therapy is a lot more than talking these days. They have techniques to help process traumatic memories so they aren’t triggers. Ways of desensitizing people who suffer from PTSD. Mental health isn’t where it needs to be, but it’s more than talking. That said, don’t scoff at the significance of just being honest about the things that hurt you.”
“And yet you didn’t get this therapy.”
“Okay, first off, I never said I was a role model or a prime example of mental health. But it’s worth noting that I have a shitty history with therapists because I have tried to deal with my issues and wound up with stuff I said to my therapist, where my privacy was supposed to be assured by law, wind up in the newspapers. I have serious trust issues, and I know that. But this isn’t supposed to be about me. So stop pissing me off and read your own report.”
“Tony—”
“Just read it and give me a minute.”
Feeling even more off balance, Steve pulled up the report with his name on it. Trying to be somewhat objective, he had to admit there was nothing wrong with the report. It relayed the facts of his life since he was found in the ice and gave an analysis of what “waking up seven decades in the future” would be like, the inherent issues emotionally and psychologically, and recommendations for action. There was mention that Steve’s military service and advancement was often a matter of exigent circumstances and that even though he had proved himself a capable leader on the battlefield, the Army owed him the time to learn the modern world, the current military procedures and rules, and to finish officer training.
“Have you read this?” he asked Tony when he was finished.
“Of course not,” Tony said, his tone a little snippy.
“Tony, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“Made yet another assumption about me?”
Steve winced.
Tony sighed. “Look, I get that SHIELD presented you with a slanted view of me, and your early treatment of me was based on that, but if we want to move forward, you need to stop jumping to conclusions, especially ones with an accusation in them.”
Which was entirely too much like some of what Anthony had said. “Go ahead and read it.”
Frowning, Tony flicked his finger, and the report slid to the display closer to him. When he was finished reading, he shot Steve a look that was decidedly unimpressed. “This is what you’re so worked up over?”
Feeling defensive again, Steve shot back, “I don’t like feeling spied on.”
“You’ve clearly never been spied on. That’s not spying, Steve. Spying is when someone infiltrates your organization under false pretenses so they can either steal shit or watch you. This was a guy who was in situ and was asked to write an assessment of the situation and people he had encountered in a completely above-board fashion.
“I don’t think you really comprehend yet—probably because modern politics, government, and warfare are unexplained—but he’s in the middle of a major shit storm that has nothing to do with SHIELD or the Avengers, but Fury’s actions could wind up deciding all our fate. I think we’re lucky they asked him to make the recommendation for action because we wouldn’t fare well under certain scrutiny.”
Steve shook his head. “I don’t understand, but I do get that there’s more going on here, so I’m…frustrated.”
“Let’s look at a small piece of it. Behind the scenes in Washington, since the Chitauri, there’s been a raging debate about SHIELD. There’s a committee in the Senate still discussing it endlessly.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re torn. SHIELD’s preparations probably saved the world. But, at the same time, SHIELD’s oversight committee shot a nuke at New York, and that’s not okay. That’s never going to be okay.”
“I know they didn’t understand that we had it contained, but wasn’t a backup plan to shut down the portal the right thing?”
Tony’s jaw dropped, and Steve knew he had missed something. “Steve, don’t you understand what a nuclear weapon is? Didn’t SHIELD explain? Hell, weren’t they testing them when you were alive?”
“Sir, if I may,” Jarvis interjected, “The first test of the Manhattan Project was five months after Captain Rogers crashed into the ice.”
Tony dragged his hands through his hair. “Didn’t you look into how the war ended? All the things that happened after you supposedly died?”
“SHIELD gave me a briefing packet that gave an overview of major events, including the end of the war.”
“And did that packet include information about the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki?”
“It was mentioned.”
Tony stared at him. “Jesus, Steve, were nuclear weapons thoroughly explained? I get that you went into the ice before the first test bombing, but SHIELD should have explained this shit.”
“They were explained as the next-generation weapons technology. A bigger, more extreme bomb.” The way Tony stared at him left him uncomfortable and feeling incredibly misinformed.
“Jarvis, cue up archive footage of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki,” Tony said, sounding frustrated.
Barely a minute later, a sick horror began to settle in, and he could barely stand to watch. “How many died?” he whispered when the images stopped.
“Conservative estimates place the death toll, both from the primary blast and secondary causes like radiation exposure or other injuries, at around 100,000. However, a quarter of a million is considered to be more likely. In Hiroshima, five square miles of the city were destroyed. From one bomb.”
Steve wanted to throw up, but his super-soldier constitution made that sort of thing virtually impossible. “That’s what they wanted to do to New York?”
“No, they sent something much bigger. Jarvis’ projected the death toll to conservatively be near ten million.”
“Ten million,” he repeated dumbly. “The total fatalities from the invasion weren’t even five thousand. How do they justify a decision to kill ten million?”
“Supposedly staving off an alien invasion that could have killed or subjugated the whole planet, except that reasoning doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. A drone strike on Stark Tower would have accomplished the same thing and killed a few hundred at most—not that I would have wanted missiles shot at my home, but I’d have understood the necessity. That’s why there’s so much discussion about it behind closed doors.”
Steve tore his gaze away from the horrifying still images on the holographic display. “Why?”
“It actually doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless…” Tony trailed off, looking thoughtful.
“Unless what?”
Tony shot him a concerned look. “Jarvis, is that the conclusion Sparky came to?”
“I’ve inferred that you mean that there was a highly placed Hydra asset who capitalized on the situation. If so, yes, that was his assessment. It was his conclusion immediately after the attack, though he didn’t know it was Hydra. His reports indicate that he advised Nick Fury that there was a mole on the Council within days of the battle.”
“Oh my god.” Steve braced his hands on the table. “I let myself be used by them. Anthony’s right…I’m in no way prepared for this century.”
Tony’s hands settled on his shoulders and guided him away from displays and toward the couch on the far side of the lab. “You’re right; you aren’t prepared. SHIELD has deliberately kept you ignorant so that you wouldn’t ask questions where the answers might pull you away from their agenda.”
Steve shook his head, letting the thoughts swim around in his head, information slotting together to form a new picture. “I never wanted to lead,” he said softly.
“That…feels like a non sequitur.”
“When I was in the Army.”
“Ah. So being a captain wasn’t your goal?”
“No. I just wanted to help. I wanted to serve my country, protect people. The young, naïve part of me wanted to follow my friends into battle. The whole experiment seemed so fantastical, and I didn’t really think it would do this.” He gestured to himself. “I thought maybe it would make me healthier, fitter, like a medical treatment so I could get into the Army on my own merits. And then they told me I was useless and sent me on that tour.
“I was always just reacting to one situation after another; there was no plan. But then Bucky was reported to MIA and was likely either killed or a prisoner. He was my rock, my touchstone through my whole childhood. I didn’t care what the cost to me was; I had to get him back.”
“That’s understandable,” Tony said, moving a bit closer, hand briefly touching Steve’s arm. The contact was comforting. “Rhodey never stopped looking for me when I was held in Afghanistan, even though it got him in trouble because the military officially called off the search. We don’t give up on the people we care about.”
Steve met Tony’s gaze. “I figured they’d throw me out of the Army as a result of what I did. I mean, I was successful beyond anyone’s expectations, but I still thought that was my one stand, the one thing I could say I did. I got those men out.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“But they decided to give me a command and make my rank semi-real. Battlefield promotion or some such. Although, I know it doesn’t really work that way since I didn’t even complete Basic.”
“I’ve seen your military records.” Tony hesitated. “Dad had them because he never stopped looking for you.”
Steve gave Tony a searching look. “You and Howard weren’t close, were you?”
Tony hesitated but then shook his head. “I don’t think Dad was close to anyone in my lifetime, not even my mom. He worked all the time, he looked for you, he worked with SHIELD, I guess. I don’t feel like I ever knew him. You probably knew the man that Howard Stark was better than I did. And while he may have been a good man by your measure—or some other measure—he wasn’t a good father.”
Steve nodded, accepting that the man Steve had known had changed. Or maybe Steve just never saw that side of him, saw the deficiencies that would make Howard treat his son callously.
“The point is that I’ve seen your records. They made a lot of odd exceptions for you. Waived Basic because of your demonstrated physical prowess, though there was an objection or two filed about that because Basic is also about learning the chain of command and how to take orders. Military discipline and all that.” Tony shot him a speaking look.
“Anyway, when it was clear you were going to be a war hero, the Army tried to figure out what to do about your rank and decided to send you to officer training school after the war and then use your time in heavy combat to justify you keeping your rank. But your battlefield promotion to captain was signed off on even if the actual mechanics of that move, considering your status, wasn’t really covered in the manual, if you know what I mean.”
“I rarely know what you mean.” He gave a faint smile, trying to take the new information on board. “I guess it helps that there was a path to everything being legitimate. But back then? I was…terrified. Not of being hurt—I think the serum has something to do with it. There’s a complete lack of fear about personal injury.”
“Huh. We’ll have to mention that to Bruce.” He nudged Steve’s arm. “So what scared you?”
“That I would get those men killed. I was learning as I went, was responsible for the lives of others, and it was frightening. I tried to stay out front, take the riskiest jobs.”
“Did you feel like a fake?”
Steve closed his eyes. “Yes. All the time at first. I tried to project confidence so that my fear wouldn’t affect others. And then I started to believe it. Believe my own lies.”
“No, Steve, it’s not lies. There’s a term…fake it till you make it. It basically means to pretend until it’s real. Pretend you’re confident until you are. Didn’t you start to really feel the confidence?”
“Yeah, I did. I started to think I knew what I was doing.”
“And you did. In that time and place, you became what you needed to be. But maybe DiNozzo’s a little right that part of you still felt out of your element, and maybe that led to the arrogance thing. Or maybe you think that you still need to project confidence to lead, to take care of others.”
“I think that’s true.”
“And, in this day, when you’re so behind on actual knowledge, it comes off—”
“Like I’m an asshole?”
“I think Sparky and I are ruining you.”
Steve sighed. “You have this view of me…like I don’t swear or have sugar after dinner.”
Tony laughed.
“Or have sex.”
Tony sputtered.
“I’ve done all of the above. I was in the Army. Swearing was all day, every day. I rarely swear because my mother didn’t care for it. I wanted her to be proud of me.”
“And I’ve seen that you have an epic sweet tooth,” Tony said with a grin.
“Yes, and the evidence of my sex life is upstairs.”
Tony choked again
Steve grinned. “Really? The idea that I’ve had sex is that weird to you?”
“No!” Tony looked flustered. “No, it’s just… Never mind.”
“We’ll revisit that.”
Tony made a funny sound.
“I’m enjoying your discomfiture way too much.”
Tony elbowed him. Hard. “Let’s table your sex life for now. Are you okay?”
“No, but I think I will be. I need to re-read some of what Anthony’s written and then think through it all.”
“And then talk to your grandson?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Don’t model my shitty behavior and let these things fester. Work it out with him. And when you do, get me some more pasta?”
Steve chuckled as he thought over his discussion with Anthony, and none of the anger or defensiveness lingered. He still felt hurt, though he thought that probably wasn’t based on anything real; it just was. Mostly, he felt empty and confused. But he was sure of one thing; he needed time.
– – – –
Steve stared at the phone, turning it over in his hands a few times before hitting the buttons that would dial one of the numbers Jarvis had programmed in.
“Hey,” Anthony answered on the second ring. “You could just come down.”
“I didn’t want to disturb your work.” He’d spent most of the day thinking and writing—getting his thoughts on paper had always helped him get clarity.
“I’ve done what I can for now. There’s nothing left for me to do on the reports, and all the things I have in process about my…work are at a standstill at the moment.” He hesitated. “Do you want me to come up?”
“No. Well, yes, but not to my floor. I thought a lot about what you said, and I’m sorry I reacted so badly. It will take me some time to think through everything, but I can’t say I disagree with any of the points you made. And, uh, I guess I’m a work in progress.”
“We all are, Steve.”
“Yeah.”
“I should have told you about the reports I was submitting sooner. I wasn’t using our personal interactions as fodder for the reports, and I tried to keep my personal life separate from the job. I can’t help some bleed through, and I’m sorry. I just—”
“Anthony, stop. I read the report. Most of those things you told me, the things you learned based on our time together, that wasn’t in your report. I saw that. It was mostly about my circumstances and SHIELD, all of which you could have learned from a file.”
“Sort of. I was deluding myself into thinking my personal interactions with you weren’t rounding out the picture and affecting my conclusions. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’ll take me time to figure everything out, but I will. And you’re absolutely right that I need the time you suggested. So I’ll be asking for your help in how I go about acclimating and getting better.”
“Okay. I can do that. And take whatever time you need. I’ll be there when you’re ready.”
“I didn’t mean I need time away from you.”
“Oh, I thought that’s why you called rather than come see me.”
“No. I really didn’t want to intrude on your work, but I wanted to let you know we’re all going to have dinner downstairs with James in about thirty minutes. I hope you’re going to come, and Tony really hopes you’ll bring more pasta.” He hesitated. “I wouldn’t mind more pasta too.”
Anthony laughed, and the sound made something in Steve relax. “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll need about forty minutes. How many is ‘we’ in this little gathering?”
“You, me, Tony, James, Bruce, and Coulson. Agent May isn’t back yet.”
“Come down in about half an hour, and you can help me finish up and then carry everything down.”
– – – –
“I have an update on Thor,” Coulson said as he passed the serving bowl to Anthony. They all managed to fit around the table in James’ quarters. The plan was to watch a movie of some sort after dinner.
“What’s Point Break up to?”
Anthony snorted while taking a drink. “Dammit, Stark.”
“Aw, Sparky, I love that someone gets my sense of humor.”
“I get it,” Coulson said dryly, “I just don’t think you’re funny.”
“I think he’s funny as fuck.” Anthony said, wiping off his face.
“Is fucking particularly funny in this day?” Steve asked.
Anthony started laughing.
“And there’s the literal Steve I know and love,” Tony snarked, handing him the bowl. Anthony chuckled and began to eat.
Steve felt his cheeks warm. “Tell us about Thor, Phil.”
“Reports indicate he visited Dr. Foster and that she terminated their relationship.”
“Ouch,” both Tonys said in unison, giving each other a fist bump over their identical reaction.
“Do we think he’s coming here, or was this trip just to see his lady friend?” Steve asked.
“If their bridge was fixed ahead of schedule, it’s possible the visit was just to see her,” Phil replied, “but we think it more likely that he’s here for some other purpose and will eventually make his way here or to some SHIELD facility.”
“So he could be here tonight,” Tony replied, “or he could hole up in a bar somewhere and try to drink away his sorrows.”
“That about covers it,” Coulson agreed. “SHIELD agents tried to make contact, but he’d left by the time they arrived. Dr. Foster slammed the door in their face when they tried to gather intel about Thor’s visit.”
“Well, the proverbial guest room is ready. If he shows up, he shows up. If not…” Tony shrugged. He gave Phil a look. “What’s the deal with you and SHIELD these days?”
Coulson shot James a look but then shrugged away whatever the concern had been. “I guess you could say that Fury and I have an uneasy truce. It’s more thinly veiled suspicion on my side while he sounds me out on a near-daily basis to see which way I’m going to jump.”
“Let’s not talk about SHIELD,” Anthony murmured, rubbing his forehead. “I have enough of a headache without adding anything Fury related to the mix.”
Steve frowned in concern.
“You have a headache?” Bruce asked, setting his fork down. “For how long?”
Anthony rolled his eyes. “It’s a headache. I haven’t been sleeping much, and it’s been a week that was entirely too extra.”
“I don’t get headaches,” James said.
“What…not ever?” Anthony asked, sounding incredulous.
“Not unless there’s an injury or they use the chair.”
“Same for me,” Steve supplied. “Sometimes there’s a tension that I sort of think of as a headache, but it’s not actual pain.”
“You’ve been ducking me long enough,” Bruce said emphatically. “After we’re done, you’re down in the lab with me. We need to figure out what’s going on with you. Cause, honestly? You look off.”
“Anthony, are you all right?” Steve was concerned. Anthony did look a little unwell, but Steve had written it off as stress.
“I’m just tired. Everyone needs to chill.”
“That’s not an acceptable response,” James said sharply. “Your situation is an unknown by any measure. Keeping symptoms to yourself or dismissing physical ailments as being in any way normal puts you at risk. Possibly a risk to others as well.”
Anthony reared back a bit but then cocked his head to the side and looked like he was considering it. “I hadn’t looked at it from that angle, and that was stupid of me. I’m used to deflecting inquiries about my health and ignoring any issues I do have. I shouldn’t have fallen into that behavior pattern considering the situation. Sorry, Bruce.”
“Jeez, cut yourself some slack, Sparky,” Tony said between bites. “It’s not like there hasn’t been a lot of shit going on.”
“Agreed,” Bruce said, “but that’s over now. So, let’s eat, and then I think you and I are going to skip the movie.”
“That’s the wise course of action,” Coulson added, looking concerned. “I’ll go with you in case Bruce needs help. I’m pretty good as a stand-in nurse.”
“Ugh,” Tony said in mock disgust. “You’re gonna leave me alone with the World War II popsicles? Absolutely no one is going to get my jokes.”
Steve rolled his eyes, and James choked on his pasta.
Anthony laughed. “They’re both former Army; just make sex jokes. They’re timeless and on-brand.”
Steve pointed at Anthony. “Do not encourage him.”
“I gotta be me, Gramps.”
“Oh god.” Steve dug into his pasta as Tony started laughing.
Steve listened to and participated in the conversation throughout dinner, but covertly kept an eye on Anthony. Now that he knew his grandson wasn’t feeling well, he wished he’d been paying closer attention all along. What if he was having a problem with the serum? What if he were rejecting it in some way? Then he reminded himself that Anthony was born with the serum…which left whatever else Hydra did to him as a possible problem.
Because he was watching so closely, he was the first to notice when Anthony abruptly set his fork down, looking unsettled. He was just about to ask if everything was okay when Anthony shoved back from the table.
“Everyone get out,” he gasped, hands curling into fists.
Everyone shot to their feet. “What’s going on, Anthony?”
“Tony, what’s wrong?
“What’s the matter, Sparky?”
“Get out!” Anthony yelled, and sparks began dancing over his skin, traveling a few inches away from his body like electrical discharges.
Steve reached for Tony, yanking him back away from Anthony, pulling him behind his own body. James did the same with Coulson as they started backing away.
Bruce moved forward. “Tony, let me help you.”
“Get out, get out, get out!” Anthony near-chanted, ending on a yell. “I can’t—”
There was a flash of light and a blast wave, and then Steve was thrown backward.
His vision whited out, his ears ringing.
“Tony!” He felt for Tony, finding him half underneath Steve. He was moving and cursing, so he was alive. The first thing Steve registered visually was green. A lot of green.
Oh damn. They had a Hulk problem now. But Hulk wasn’t doing anything but sitting there, blocking the bright light coming from the other side of the room, so Steve focused on more immediate problems.
Steve rolled off of Tony, and his vision had cleared enough to see that Tony had no obvious wounds. “Are you hurt?”
“I think I’m okay.” Tony sat up carefully, letting Steve help him. Steve felt along his arms and legs, checking for broken bones. “I don’t think we’re quite there in our relationship, Steven. You’re gonna have to at least buy me dinner.”
“Jesus, Tony, don’t joke right now. Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay. Does it feel like you have internal injuries?”
“No, I’m good. Just gonna be hella sore tomorrow. What the fuck happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“James?” Tony called out.
“We’re good. Coulson hurt his knee, but it’s not broken.”
“I’m fine,” Phil said irritably.
Steve looked around more carefully. The room was wrecked. Furniture overturned or broken, and from what he could see around Hulk’s massive form, there were scorch marks on the walls. Hulk had taken the bulk of the blast and protected all of them.
“Okay… So, Green Bean made an appearance,” Tony murmured as he used Steve to lever himself to his feet. When he took a step forward, Steve held him back. Tony shot him a weak glare. “I’m not afraid of the Big Guy. We’re good, right, Jolly Green?” Tony called out.
“To-ny,” Hulk said back without turning around. He didn’t sound angry.
“Yeah, Green Bean, we’re buddies, right?”
“Friend,” Hulk agreed.
Tony smiled as he tried to shake off Steve’s hold, but Steve didn’t let him go. “What’s going on over there, Big Guy?”
“Big brother shiny.”
Tony grinned even as Steve frowned in confusion. “Is he sparkling over there like a bad vampire?”
“Shiny.”
“Okay. I have to check that out for myself. Is he okay?”
“Sleeping.”
“Oh. Well…” Tony glared at Steve and tried to shake loose again. “Can I come over there?”
“Little brother too.”
“Who is little brother?”
Hulk’s big head swung around and looked right at James, who took a step back. “Little brother.”
“Me?” James looked dumbfounded.
“Little brother,” Hulk repeated.
“I’m older than all of you,” James groused lowly.
“Can I come over?” Steve asked hesitantly.
Hulk craned his neck to look at Steve. “Uncle Spangle.”
Tony snorted a laugh then clapped his free hand over his mouth. “Sorry, but I can’t help but laugh at that. You can let me go, Rogers, and come over there with me, or I’m going to deck you. Fair warning.”
Sighing, he released Tony and carefully followed him closer to Hulk. James had righted the couch and gotten Coulson on it, joining them to slowly step around Hulk’s big frame. They found Anthony being held mostly on Hulk’s lap.
He was shining like a mini sun, little sparks shooting off his skin. Hulk had one arm free, and the other was holding Anthony. He was stroking Anthony’s head with one big, green finger, sometimes pausing to try to touch a spark.
“Whoa,” Tony breathed. “What in the world happened?”
“Big brother keep shiny in. Like Bruce keep Hulk in.”
“Wow, okay.” Tony rubbed his hands over his face.
“What does that mean?” Steve asked, terrified for his grandson.
“I think Sparky’s rigid control had a price. He’s been containing all that energy, and it needed to get out.” Tony was drumming his fingers on his arm, obviously deep in thought.
“But what do we do?” How could Steve possibly help?
“Wait,” Tony said with a shrug. He glanced up at Steve. “I’m not trying to be callous, but I’m not prepared to get any closer while he’s putting off energy like that, and I can’t make the Big Guy do anything he doesn’t want to do.”
“Brother need sleep. Hulk protect.”
“Okay, Big Guy, that sounds good.”
“Little brother stay with Hulk.”
“Why am I involved in this?” James asked, sounding confused and dismayed.
“Little brother.”
“Well, that cleared that up,” Tony muttered. “Where’s Jarvis?”
“I’m here, Sir.” There was some warble in Jarvis’ voice. “My apologies. The blast triggered tower defenses and temporarily knocked out the communication system. I have canceled the fire alarm and have commenced scanning the energy emissions while we power cycled the communication servers. I can confirm that the energy Director DiNozzo is emitting is not harmful.”
“Well, I guess that’s good news. So…” Tony looked around at everyone. “We wait?”
Steve didn’t like the idea of sitting around to see if something worse happened, but he couldn’t come up with an alternative.
James sighed. “I’ll check Coulson’s knee.” He took a couple of steps, but Hulk snaked out his arm and snagged James, pulling him close. James made a sound sort of like a squawk.
“Little brother stay.”
“Oh my god, if that blast killed my phone, I’m gonna be so pissed. I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t get a picture of this!”
Chapters 4-6 | Main Page | Chapters 10-12
Drat! I just remembered that I had a dropped WiFi connection when I went to post a comment on this section, and yep, nothing here! Let’s see if I can recall the three points I’d written….
Wow, this fic just keeps getting cleverer and more touching! A+ from the brilliant could-be-canon Howard-and-Maria faked-memory torture (and how you handled TonyS learning of and, determinedly, *seeing* their actual deaths), to TonyD’s fair and insightful analysis of Steve — and how TonyS helped Steve to “get” it — both of which elements play into why I was already optimistic about liking this fic as soon as I read your 🎯 stance on Stony in your Author’s Notes. The final appearance from protective Hulk, and his attitude towards his serum-“kin”, was an extra bit of charming.