Title: Waiting for That Day
Fandom: 9-1-1
Genre: Soulmates, Contemporary
Pairing: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Discussions of ableism, canon-level situations
Author Note: There are some mentions of Buck’s living situation changing before he joined the 118. This changed a few things; if it’s important for the story, I went into it, but you can easily infer that a lot of early season 1 was different on the personal and behavioral side for him (no sex in the fire truck). Maddie’s entry into Buck’s life is a few days earlier than in canon. Title from George Michael song of the same name.
Thanks: Thank you, Claire, for helping me sort out my banner issues!
Timeline: Takes place pre-series and early season 2.
Challenge: Big Moxie Q4-2022, Soulmates, and entered for Every Season Q4, Vibrant Autumn.
Word Count: ~14,055
Summary: Evan Buckley has always felt like he was on the outside looking in, unable to belong anywhere. Buck is unaware he has a soulmate waiting and that their deep connection through many lives is why he’s always adrift—until they can be together again.

Part I

Eddie Diaz loved how Christopher always giggled and laughed when he was was taking a bath. His son was the original water baby—he had been since his first bath and that hadn’t stopped even now that he was four years old. Chris loved no time of the day so much as evening bath time. Eddie didn’t have a ton of experience with other kids, but he’d heard other parents complain about their kids pitching a fit when it came time for a bath. Not so with his kid.

No, Christopher was more likely to pitch a fit if he were denied his evening water ritual—if it was too late for him to get to play or if everyone was too tired.

He sat back on his heels, avoiding the spray from a particularly good splash, and grinned as Christopher laughed.

It was a relief to finally be able to do simple things like bath time without being in pain from his healing gunshot wounds. For nearly three months, he’d been forced to sit on the closed toilet seat and do nothing more than talk to his kid while his Tía Josephina handled the actual work of bathing a four-year-old boy.

Eddie had barely been home from the Army base for a day when his life had been turned upside down. Again. The base was where he’d been undergoing post-surgery rehabilitation and then discharge, but he’d still been a hot mess physically and required a lot of help. Despite his circumstances and obvious need, his girlfriend and Christopher’s mother, Shannon Whitt, had set Christopher next to him on the sofa, left him a packet of papers, loaded her bags in her car, and then left.

He’d been so stunned, he hadn’t even called out for her.

“You’re thinking about Mommy again,” Christopher said idly as he tapped his little hands lightly on the surface of the sudsy bath water.

Eddie shook off his ruminations and smiled at his kid. “And how do you know that?”

“Because you have your thinky face on.”

“My thinky face?” Eddie repeated. “Does it look like this?” Eddie let his expression twist up into something comical with his tongue sticking out.

Christopher erupted into peals of laughter, tilting backward too far, but Eddie steadied him with sure hands that were no longer struggling to cope. “No, Daddy. Your thinky face is the one you get after you get off the phone with Grandma.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, you mean my grumpy face.” Very early on, Eddie had learned not to pretend that Grandma was a nice person. It made Christopher get this weird, distrustful expression on his face that Eddie never wanted his kid to direct toward him.

Christopher started laughing again. “You’re so silly.”

“Then I guess you get it from me.”

Christopher peered up at him, wide-eyed. “What else did I get from you?”

Eddie gently cupped Christopher’s cheek. “Definitely the shape of your little face.” He bopped Chris on the nose. “Including our silly little Diaz noses.”

Christopher wrinkled up his nose as his eyes went crossed trying to see it. Then he grinned and stared at Eddie again. “What’d I get from Mommy?”

Eddie’s smile felt tight. “I think you’re as smart as your mom. Lord knows you’re smarter than me.”

“You’re funny, Daddy.” Christopher’s expression turned pensive and he tapped at the water again. “I hope I’m nicer than Mommy. I hope I don’t ever run away from my family.”

“Ah, Chris.” Eddie blew out a breath. “You’re already kinder and sweeter than every adult in the family combined.”

Chris gave him a skeptical look.

“I’m serious. You’re a good kid, and the Diazes are kind of ass— Um, we’re kind of unruly.”

“Unruly?”

Eddie pushed wet strands away from Christopher’s forehead. “Like your hair.”

That sent Christopher off giggling again.

“Speaking of hair, it’s time to wash it.”

“But, Daaaddyyyy. That means the bath is almost over.”

“True that. I know you’d love to stay in the water all night, but you’d turn into one big prune, and then how would I know who you were?” He reached for the baby shampoo. “Come on. Let’s get it over with, and then you can play in the water a little longer.”

Eddie set about the business of actually bathing his little boy and thought about all the changes they were about to make in their lives, and how uncertain the future was. But he knew he had to make this move for both of their sanity.

That day Shannon had left, barely taking the time to give him instructions on where to find all of Christopher’s vital records and information and then granting him sole custody, he’d sat on the couch, one arm in a sling, needing a cane, and considered what his options were. The most obvious choice was to call his parents for help, but he knew letting his mother get a foot in the door would be a bad idea.

Instead, he’d called his Abuela and asked for her advice. She’d sent Tía Josephina—Pepa to everyone—and suggested he call Adriana for help until Pepa arrived. Adriana was unlikely to go against their parents long-term, but she was willing to help Eddie on the QT until Pepa could get there and take over. Adriana might not be willing to go toe-to-toe with Helena Diaz, but Josephina Ibarra had no such reservations.

Pepa had had a few shouting matches with Helena, finally barring Eddie’s mother from the house and refusing to allow her to even call. The reprieve from his parents was nice. Pepa hadn’t even told them she was going back to California, the oversight in order to give Eddie as much breathing room as possible until they figured it out.

Pepa ran her own business, and was able to handle the running of said company from Texas for a few months while Eddie slowly progressed through his physio and rehabilitation. Pepa had also thrown his ass into therapy to at least talk about the issues around Shannon bailing at the first available moment. Eddie had been reluctant at first, but once he’d started letting that poison out, he’d been unable to stop.

It was as if knowing what it was like to let off a little of the mental pressure had made the rest of his issues even more noticeable—and more unbearable. Therapy discussion had moved on to his parents and eventually his time in the Army. He was still getting weekly sessions with a psychologist, and Eddie planned to avail himself of purging as much of the past as possible for as long as he had good health coverage.

The health coverage was a ticking clock on its own. He had about another six months for he and Chris before he had to figure out what was next.

Right before leaving a few days ago to return to LA, Pepa had floated the idea of Eddie coming to California to continue his rehabilitation work and take up a job in her company—at least in the short term. It would give Chris and him medical care that was decent, and he wouldn’t have to pay an arm and a leg for it. Then, once he was fully recovered and back to full strength, he could figure out what was next in his career.

He worried about taking a job and then leaving her in the lurch later, but she’d waved that concern off. She’d said if he found something he wanted to do with his life, she trusted him to be decent about giving notice and doing whatever was needed to facilitate the transition.

So, he was almost decided about the move to California, but he needed to run it by the most important person—Christopher. Ultimately, Eddie had to do what was best for Chris, but he never wanted to discount his son’s opinions—or even that Chris might have a perspective on the situation in El Paso that Eddie lacked.

He wasn’t expecting any shocking revelations from Chris—his son didn’t seem happy in El Paso, so he figured they’d be moving one way or the other. His medical severance and savings, plus the sale of the El Paso house would give them a comfortable cushion and allow them to make the move and even find a home in LA if that was what they wanted.

The two of them were a team now, and Eddie wanted to do right by his son, but he also didn’t want to leave Christopher out of the loop about big changes in his own life.

They got through the hair washing and then several rounds of negotiations about more bath time, then Eddie finally got Christopher out of the bath and into pajamas.

He tucked Christopher in bed and stroked back the still-drying curls. It was June in Texas, so Eddie wasn’t overly worried about Chris going to bed with damp hair. “What kind of story would you like tonight?”

Chris fiddled with the edges of his blankets. “Do you have a soulmate, Daddy?”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up. “Well,” he began cautiously, “people don’t usually know before they meet their soulmate—or potential soulmate—if they have one or not. Why do you ask?”

After a few seconds of Chris gnawing on his lower lip, Eddie extricated the lip from the grip of his teeth. He’d been trying to break Chris of the anxiety-fueled habit. “Hey, none of that. I’m not upset. I told you before that you can ask me anything. If I think the answer is too adult for you, I’ll tell you that the answer is too grownup, but I promise not to lie to you or treat you like you’re silly for asking.”

“I overheard Mommy on the phone to Grammy once…” Chris hesitated.

“And she said something about me having a soulmate?”

Chris nodded, looking relived at not having to say it.

“Do you want to tell me what else she said?”

There was nothing but silence.

“Was there something not nice in what Mommy said?”

“I don’t know. She sounded mad, but I don’t know why.” His brow furrowed. “Something…” The nose now scrunched up. “Maybe like she shouldn’t have to try with you because you have a soulmate anyway…?”

Eddie sighed. “That sounds about right.”

“So you do have a soulmate?”

“I do, but I didn’t know that when I met your mom.”

Christopher’s eyes went wide. “You’ve met them. Will I get to meet them? Will they like me?”

Eddie pressed one finger over Chris’ lips. “I have not met them, of course you will get to meet them whenever they come into our lives, and I know they’re going to love you.”

Chris stared at him wide-eyed, then tugged at Eddie’s wrist, grin full of mischief.

Eddie smiled and pulled his finger away.

“How do you know, Daddy?”

“Hmm. How much have you learned about soulmates in preschool?”

“At story time they told us about how some people have posh- um, pots-”

“Potentials?”

“Yeah. That. They have po-ten-shuuullls,” Chris drew out slowly. “Some people have those, and you get a little mark when you touch if you could maybe be soulmates. So people will date and do adult stuff. Right?”

“More or less,” Eddie replied with a grin.

“And then you’ll make a soulbond and then you’ll get a soulmark on your thumb.” Chris stared at his own thumb as if it held the secrets to the universe.

“Well, that’s sort of an overview.” Eddie took his son’s little hand. “We recognize soulmates and potentials differently. Let’s talk about potentials first, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Potentials just means that your souls are compatible. No one is really sure what makes for compatible souls, but while it’s uncommon, it’s not so rare that it’s strictly a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Still, some people never meet a potential, and some people meet several. Does that make sense?”

Chris’ brow was furrowed. “Sort of…?”

“We shake hands as an easy form of touch, and it helps us get our potential marks. It’s a little mark that forms at the base of your thumb. Either thumb. There’s no telling which it will be, though it will always be a mirror to the person you have a possibility with. Meaning, if I got my potential mark at the base of my left thumb, my potential mate would get theirs on the base of their right thumb.”

“How come?”

“Well, when you complete the soulbond, part of the bonding rite is clasping hands in a way that laces your fingers together. Like this.” He demonstrated by clasping Christopher’s tiny hand. “The potential mark becomes a full ring of black around the base of your thumbs.” Eddie illustrated by drawing a circle around Christopher’s thumb to demonstrate where a soulbond mark would be. “And with your hands clasped, it’ll look like your thumbs are bound together.”

“That’s so cool.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty neat. Anyway, you get your potential mark, and then you and your prospective soulmate can date and get to know one another and decide if you want to continue on to soulbonding.”

“Why wouldn’t someone want it?”

“Well, just because people’s souls have the potential to be bound doesn’t mean they should be.”

“Like Grandma and Abuelo?”

Eddie choked.

Christopher looked abashed. “I’m sorry, Daddy. Was that rude?”

“It might be rude if you said it to anyone but me.”

“Or Tía Pepa?”

Eddie laughed. “Or Tía Pepa.” Also, Isabel Diaz would probably find it hysterical.

Chris giggled.

“I told you that you can speak your mind to me, mijo. I don’t expect you to only tell me the nice things you think. And I think maybe you’re right. Mom and Pops only have the single soul bond, so this is their first time together. They seem to bring out each other’s worst traits, not their best. I think what would be great in a soulmate is someone who brings out the best in you, not the worst, you know?”

“What do you mean by first time?”

“I’ll explain that in a second; let me finish up about potentials. Some people say, and I think I agree, that a potential mark shouldn’t be looked at as a shortcut to a happy relationship. You know how when you had your surgery last year and we explained to you about blood types?”

Chris nodded, looking a little confused at the shift in topic.

“Well, just because you have the same blood type as someone, that doesn’t mean you’re going to get along, right?”

“No…?”

“Having compatible souls doesn’t mean you’re going to have a happy life together; we live whole lives after our souls are created that change who or what we might be. But some people are so afraid they’ll never meet another potential, and therefore miss out on having a soulbond in this life, that they rush into a an ill-considered relationship with a potential. They don’t take the time to date and get to know one another.” He paused. “For instance, Mom and Pops were soul bonded within two months of shaking hands.”

Christopher gasped. “Daddy, that’s scandalous.”

Eddie stared. “Do you even know what that means?”

Chris giggled. “No. Megan taught me the word and how to say it and everything.”

“Well, Megan is my new favorite because it was, indeed, scandalous.”

“She can’t be your favorite; I’m your favorite.” Christopher reached up, making grabby hands.

Eddie pulled Christopher into his arms, holding as tightly as he thought Chris could handle. “Yeah, mijo, you’re my all-time favorite.” He felt Chris go heavy in his arms, not surprised that his kid had conked out. Chris had a tendency to fall asleep abruptly if he’d been fighting his body’s need to rest, which he clearly had been since the moment he got in bed.

He stayed sitting on the bed, rocking back and forth, holding his son. He wasn’t exactly glad about how he’d come home, but he could never regret whatever path had allowed him to become a full-time father. This was definitely the most rewarding thing in his life.

After a long time, he tucked Christopher back into bed, pressed a kiss to his forehead, and resolved to bring up California over breakfast tomorrow.

***

“What would you think about us moving to California?” Eddie asked while Chris was busily, and messily, mowing down a bowl of Cheerios.

Christopher stopped chewing and a couple of Os actually fell out when his mouth dropped open. “Really?”

“It’s a thought.”

Chris snapped his mouth shut and wiped the dribbling milk away with the back of his hand. “You mean forever?”

“I was thinking about it.”

“No more El Paso?”

Eddie had a sinking feeling, thinking he’d really misread the situation. “You really like it here, huh?”

“No! I really want to go! Can we go soon?”

Eddie blinked. “Christopher? Something you want to tell me, mijo?”

“I don’t like it here, but all I really want is to be with you, Daddy. But if you’re willing to go live closer to Disneyland, I support your ambition.”

Eddie snorted a laugh. “All right, where’d that one come from?”

“Johnny. He’s always talking about his daddy’s ambitions, whatever that means, and that his mommy supports them.”

“Good but also appropriate use of a word you don’t know well, kiddo. Finish your breakfast, and then we can talk while I do my physio. I’d been meaning to talk to you for a few days, and I keep putting it off. I finally just blurted it out.”

Christopher blinked at him. “Why’d you wait?”

Eddie stared until Christopher started eating again. “I guess… Well, I was thinking the best thing for you and me as a family would be to be closer to family like Pepa and Abuela. Also, California has better programs for kids like you who need a little extra help to navigate your environment. So, I was thinking it was the right move for us as a family. As your father, I think it’s the best thing for you, but I was a little afraid you’d be sad to leave here.”

“No!”

“Okay, what’s going on?” Eddie took the bowl of Cheerios, which were nearly gone, and pushed the plate of fruit in front of his son. He raised a brow expectantly—both that his kid would start eating and that he’d begin explaining.

Chris was two bites into his honeydew, bananas shoved to the side, before he offered, “Grandma said I was going to be living with them. But I don’t like it there, Daddy, I don’t!” His eyes teared up. “They treat me like a baby.” He knuckled at his eyes, knocking his glasses askew. “And I hate bananas.”

Eddie had this inclination to want to hold Christopher and soothe him whenever he cried, but he’d learned the hard way that Christopher had developed some issues around people forcing him to be held, so Eddie had talked with his own therapist about how to handle it. Outside of extreme circumstances, he let Christopher determine when he wanted to be picked up or held. Instead, he’d offer comfort and support and let him know Eddie was always there for him.

So, he moved his chair to be right next to Chris and rubbed calming circles on his back. “Duly noted about the bananas. Potatoes are higher in potassium anyway, and you seem to love those just fine, so we’ll take bananas off the shopping list.”

Chris dropped his hands and blinked up at Eddie, expression a little incredulous but also pinched with worry.

Eddie hunkered down and made sure he had Christopher’s attention. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I let your grandparents have you, you get me? I’m going to do my level best to be your father every day for the rest of your life, but if something should happen, and I can’t come home, my legal paperwork will have you with Tía Pepa and Abuela, not your grandparents.”

Christopher burst into tears, reaching out blindly for Eddie.

Since he had his cue, Eddie pulled Christopher into his arms and rocked him from side to side, murmuring reassurances against his curly hair.

When the storm had passed, Chris seemed content to stay resting against Eddie’s chest, so Eddie carded his fingers through Christopher’s hair and continued to talk.

“Since it’s now summer, I thought we might try to act quickly and get moved out to California soon. Are there any friends you’d want to say goodbye to?”

There was a hesitation and then a head shake.

“Really?”

“I don’t think we should tell anyone, Daddy. We should just go.”

Eddie blew out a breath. His kid was seeing his grandparents as the fucking boogeymen. He put getting Christopher a therapist at the top of the list for when they arrived in California. He had no hope in hell of unpacking whatever this was by himself.

“I think we should go, but not because we need to run away from your grandparents, but rather because we could use as much time as possible to get settled into life before school starts in September. We’ve got to find you the very best kindergarten ever. You deserve to have a wonderful school experience and grow up to be a rocket scientist.”

Christopher gave a watery laugh then he hesitantly asked, “Are you sure they can’t stop us?”

“I’m positive. They don’t have any say about where you live.”

“But what if they get a judgy person to say they do?”

“Well, the most judgy person alive is your grandmother, but I assume you mean a judge…?”

Chris nodded emphatically.

Eddie lifted Chris until he was standing on Eddie’s legs and they were face-to-face. “Look at you…taller than me now.” He kept hold of Chris’ arms to keep him steady.

Chris’ smile was tremulous.

“I’m not sure why you’re so worried, but two things. The first is that I hope someday you feel safe telling me why you’re so anxious about your grandparents, and when you’re ready, I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. The other is that I want you to know that I will always respect your feelings. I may not always a be able to act on them the way you’d wish, but I’ll respect how you feel.

“In this case, I don’t see why we can’t act to make you feel safe. We have a couple of choices; if the arrangements are made in the right way, we can handle most of the logistics of moving—packing and getting movers—without your grandparents even knowing. We can arrange the move for a weekend, and then even if they find out, we’ll be out of here before they can do anything. If they don’t find out, we’ll still stop by on our way out of town to say goodbye because that’s the proper thing to do.”

Chris’ nose wrinkled up in displeasure but he nodded.

“The other option is that I can take you to California in a day or two and you can stay with Tía Pepa while I come back to handle the move.”

“No. We stay together.” Chris’ little hands framed Eddie’s face. “You said we’re a team now.”

“We are a team, but I’m not unsafe, mijo. You don’t have to—”

“This is our adventure, Daddy; I want to be part of it. I’m not too crippled to help!”

“Whoa! Have I ever said those words to you?”

Chris looked abashed. “No.”

“I know your grandmother was overprotective because of your CP, and even your mom listened to her a little too much, but I’ve been listening to you and your doctor, right?”

“Yeah.”

“When your doctor said it was fine for you to be in the pool with me, didn’t we do that? Haven’t you been learning to swim?”

Christopher’s eyes teared up. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

Eddie wiped the tears away. Shannon had tried to fight Helena’s overbearing attempts to take over Christopher’s life, but she wasn’t always successful. She’d given in to Helena’s demands that Chris not be taught how to swim or allowed near the water despite how good aquatic therapy was for him.

“I just want you to remember that we are a team, mijo. When there’s a decision to be made, we’ll talk things through, and sometimes I might have to make a choice you don’t like, but it will never be because I don’t think you’re okay. I promise to listen to you, your doctor, and possibly most of the strangers in El Paso before I listen to your grandmother regarding what you’re capable of doing.”

Chris gave a surprised giggle.

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t here to make sure you were better taken care of. That’s on me.”

Chris shook his head. “Abuelo explained, though I was young then and didn’t really understand.”

Eddie snorted in amusement. “Oh really?”

Chris nodded seriously. “Then Tía Pepa explained more. You were working really hard to take care of me and Mommy. Tía Pepa says everyone but Grandma and Mommy thought you were doing the right thing.”

“Mm.” He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He had done the only thing he could think of to continue to care for his family after Christopher’s diagnosis, but he’d also been trying to unpack with his therapist how overwhelmed he’d been by the reality of what Christopher had in front of him and how relieved he was to be in a war zone; it was if the emotional war in him matched his surroundings. Now, it made him feel like a shitty father. His doctor said it made him a human being who didn’t know how to cope.

“Do you wish you were still in the Army, Daddy?”

“In some ways. Not in the sense that I wish I was still gone, but it would have been nice to have been able to transfer back to the States and live with you in on-base housing. Have my career in the Army but still get to be your dad up close and personal rather than mostly over FaceTime.”

Chris’ brow furrowed. “Was that the plan?”

“Yes. I was due to rotate out of Afghanistan in about six months. Well, six months from when I was injured, so about two months from now. Postings aren’t a guarantee, but I’d have asked for a base in California.”

Chris bit his lip. “I heard Mommy say to Grammy that you didn’t want come home because of me.”

“That is not true. I wanted to come home because of you.” Eddie blew out a breath. “Let’s go into the living room; I’d like to finish our conversation from last night so I can explain something to you.”

Chris curled his arms around Eddie’s shoulders, which Eddie took as his cue that Chris was okay with being carried. He seemed to enjoy it when Eddie carried him—for the most part—but the kid would raise holy hell when anyone else tried.

He got them situated with Chris sitting cross-legged on the couch and Eddie sitting sideways so they were facing one another. “You remember how we talked about soulmate potentials?”

“Yeah.” Chris nodded eagerly. “And how some people make their bond too fast instead of dating and getting to know each other. I promise not to tell anyone but you about how Grandma and Abuelo rushed.”

“Right.” Eddie’s lips twitched. “So, not everyone meets a potential. As a result, many panic when they do and go the path bonding too quickly. However, some people meet more than one potential.”

“More than one? How does that work?”

“Some sociologists have speculated that these people have had a bad experience with a soulbond in prior life, and that has followed them into this life as worry about making a hasty decision. I don’t know if that’s true, but it feels like it could be right.”

Chris nodded, expression filled with some weird age-old wisdom.

“I think those people have been burned before and know they have to be careful and make sure it’s right before they give away their only chance at a soulbond in this life. You see, they think when a soulbonding was unfulfilling to either part of the couple that in the in-between times—that time after death between lives—that the couple severs their bond and agrees not to do it again. So, if they happen to meet again, they get a warning when they touch.”

“What kind of warning?”

“Some people, when they touch the first time, experience a little bit of pain at the base of their thumbs and a feeling of revulsion.”

“Revulsion?”

“It means being grossed out. Like how you feel about bananas, I guess. Side note: feel free to tell me when you don’t like foods; I want you to eat healthy, but there’s no need to torture yourself with a food when there are other options.”

Chris smiled brightly.

Edie sighed. “Now, no one knows for sure why that the touch revulsion happens, but the most prevalent theory is that the pain and yucky feeling is an unsatisfactory soulbond that was broken during the in-between times.”

Christopher’s mouth made a perfect little O of shock. He looked like a little baby bird, and Eddie had to fight not to laugh. He finally closed his mouth and leaned forward to whisper, “I don’t think Abuelo and Grandma are going to find their soulbond to be sat-iss-facty.”

Eddie laughed. “You delightful little troll.” He ruffled Christopher’s hair. “You could be right, but we won’t know until next time because this is their first go around. See, if a couple is happy with their bond, during the in-between, they affirm their choice, and begin the journey of handfasting. And what that means is that there are no more potential marks for them. Fate will draw them back toward the one they’re already bonded to. When they meet and touch for the first time, their mark from their first life will immediately reform. So, those are the marks around their thumbs.

“But because we can change from life to life, you have to reaffirm your soulbond in every life. When they do, they get a new mark, and this one is around their index fingers, bonding them together for two lives. And when they meet in their third, the mark is around their middle fingers. In their fourth, their ring fingers, and after their fifth life, every finger is connected and they’re considered handfasted. This is the point at which you’ve affirmed your intent to be with one another through five lives and four in-betweens. Your souls are now married.”

“Wow.”

“Right? It’s rare, but I think it must be really cool to be so connected to someone, to know that you’re going to be together always.” He hesitated. “After a soulbonded pair is handfasted, for whatever reason, they can form soul tethers to children. It’s a pact, of sorts, to nurture and care for the same souls in every life. This tether forms to both parents, but it’s been documented that in some lives the child is not either’s biological child—meaning, there are cases where a soul child is adopted. There was a a baby delivered in New York in the 70s where the doctor who delivered the baby was that child’s soul parent, and he’d already met his soulmate. So, this baby had two biological parents and two soul parents.”

That case had made news because handfasting was so rare that soul tethered children were considered sacred and had special legal protections. Normally, the biological parents worked alongside soul parents to provide children the best possible life, but in that situation, the biological parents had tried to block the soul parents from any custody sharing. They’d lost the court case, and complete custody had been granted to the soul parents.

Chris frowned in confusion.

“When someone who has handfasted touches their soul child for the first time, whether it’s their biological child or not, they get a little mark, right over their heart, and they know that they’ve walked this journey with this child before—that they’re destined to be family, to nurture and shelter this little person into adulthood. No one knows how many times they’ve been family, though sometimes there’s an impression of lives lived together as the child gets older.”

“Do you know someone who has a soul child, Daddy?”

Eddie pulled down the neck of his old, over-stretched t-shirt, revealing the small white autumn blooming crocus on his chest, right over his heart. “The minute I held you, I felt the mark burn into my skin and our souls connected.”

Lips quivering, Christopher reached out with a trembling hand, but didn’t quite touch.

Eddie took his hand and let little fingers touch the soulmark.

“It feels like magic.”

“Of course it does; it feels like you.”

“Daddy.” Christopher sniffled and then promptly crawled into Eddie’s lap.

Eddie held him tight and kept talking. “At first, I didn’t tell anyone about the mark. I wasn’t sure what it mean for me and Shannon, though I probably should have told her right away. That was unfair of me. Your grandparents still don’t know, though I told Pepa, and told her it was okay to let Abuela know too.” Eddie let his cheek rest on the top of Christopher’s head. “When the doctors told us about your CP, I was so scared that I wouldn’t know how to be a good father for you, that you would need more than I could give, but while I was over there missing you like I was missing my own arm, I realized that you’d picked me. That soul tethers only form if the child chooses to be tethered to that parent in another life and during the in-between. I figured I didn’t have any right to be second-guessing your decisions.”

Christopher’s hands clenched hard in Eddie’s t-shirt.

“I eventually told your mom about the tether, and she was pretty mad at me.”

“Why?” Christopher asked softly.

“Because the mark means I have a soulmate. Not just a potential or the chance that I’ll stumble on my soulmate, it’s confirmation that I soulbonded enough times to be handfasted. I’m basically already married.”

“Wow. Is that why you and Mommy never got married?”

“No. I offered after your mom got pregnant, before I knew about the soulmate stuff, but your mom… Well, I think she always hoped she’d meet a potential. She said we should give it time to get to know each other better, see how we did as a family, and then if we met a potential, we could break up without the messiness of a divorce.”

Chris was still and quiet for a several seconds. “I think running away is kind of messy.”

Eddie laughed. “Maybe, but it wasn’t fair to her that I didn’t tell her about my soulmate right away.”

“Is that why she doesn’t love me?” Christopher asked softly. “Because she’s not my soul mommy?”

“Chris…” Eddie felt like the question had punched the air right out of him.

“It’s okay, Daddy. I always knew you loved me enough for both of you.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, and wrestled with himself about how to respond. He’d never planned on saying the truth to Christopher, but maybe the truth was less hurtful than whatever Chris had cooked up in his little head. “Totally blunt here, mijo, I’m pretty sure your mom does love you, but I don’t think she ever wanted to be a parent—not to anyone. Some people just don’t want to have children.”

He let that sit for a few seconds, waiting to see how Chris would take it.

“That should be okay, right? Women shouldn’t have to have babies if they don’t want to have babies…? I heard Grandma talking about it reproducing stuff, but I didn’t really understand, but she thinks everyone should have babies and get married.”

“Well, let’s just work on forgetting all of Grandma’s backwards opinions, but I think she was probably talking about a different aspect of it. I’m speaking more of the way society doesn’t let women easily choose not to have children. It’s difficult for younger women to get permanent forms of birth control, birth control can be difficult to get for some women, and, well, it’s a big, long, complicated topic. But I think it’s good for someone to know whether they want to be a parent or not. It’s not so great when society doesn’t respect that choice or demeans people for it.”

“Demeans?”

“Puts them down.”

Chris nodded against Eddie’s chest. “That’s okay, then. I guess it’s good she tried to take care of me even if she didn’t want me.”

“I think you’re looking at it wrong. Shannon loved you even though she didn’t want children—that’s how special you are.”

“Oh.” Chris sniffled. “Does that mean it’s okay that she ran away?”

“No, it will never be okay that she ran away the way she did. She could have waited and talked to me and talked to you. And if you’re mad at her, that’s okay. If you’re not mad at her, that’s okay too. However you feel about your mom is perfectly fine because they’re your feelings and she’s your mother.”

There was another long pause. “Can I decide later?”

“You can decide whenever you want.”

“Cause mostly I’m mad at Grandma.”

“Ay Dios, kid. You’re gonna have to tell me someday why you’re so mad at your grandmother.”

“She treats me like a baby,” Chris bit out, going rigid in Eddie’s arms.

Eddie pushed Chris back so he could meet his gaze. “I need to know what you mean, mijo, because I was thinking we were talking about her trying to carry you all the time.

“Diapers and bottles, Daddy.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “When?”

“Remember when you did the video call for your birthday?”

“In January?”

“Yeah. Between that and Christmas. Mommy got really mad and yelled a lot.”

Eddie blinked.

Chris had been potty trained since before he was two. His mother had been forcing his kid into diapers and trying to make him take a bottle?

“Does she always do that when she babysits you?”

Chris nodded fervently. “Until Mommy got so mad at her and threatened to call the sheriff.”

Eddie blew out a heavy breath, fighting down the anger. “Well, I think Mommy should have definitely called the sheriff. They wouldn’t have done much, I don’t think, but the documentation would have been good.” He muttered under his breath, “In case I ever have to take that heifer to court.”

Chris stared at him wide eyed and then burst into laughter. “Daddy, I don’t think that’s very nice.”

“Sorry. I’m just kind of vexed at my mother and your mother—Shan should have told me, but there’s nothing we can do about that now, so we’ll just make our plans to leave for California as soon as possible.” Eddie was mentally revising his timeline. He’d have to suss out if Chris felt positively toward Ramon and then engineer a goodbye opportunity if he wanted it. He wasn’t going to put Chris and Helena in the same space ever again if he had a damn thing to say about it.

“I’m thinking,” Eddie mused aloud, “that we can accelerate our timeline to leave. I’ve got a friend who can handle letting the movers in, and the realtor can handle selling the house. We’ll make it happen as soon as we can.”

Chris collapsed against his chest. “Yes. Let’s do that.”

Eddie stroked his hand over wild curls that desperately needed a trim. “To circle back to your worry about your grandmother getting a judge involved… If she tried, I’d reveal I was your soul parent, and there’s not a damn thing she could do about where you live.”

“Promise?”

“I swear to you.”

“Okay.”

Eddie leaned back against the couch, content to have Christopher resting against him. He still needed to do his physio, but it didn’t seem very important right at that moment.

“Daddy? What do you think my other parent is like?”

“There’s a weird quirk about soul parents that scientists don’t understand… Even in cases where you don’t share blood with a soul parent, you can actually inherit physical traits.”

“I don’t understand.” Chris’ voice was a little drawn out, like he was getting sleepy. Not surprising given the emotional bloodletting of the morning.

“Remember that guy in New York I mentioned back in the 70s?”

“Yeah?”

“His blood mommy and daddy had brown eyes and blue eyes. But he was born with green eyes; the same shade of green as the doctor who delivered him. Scientists don’t know why, but there’s something about the soul tether that affects children on a physical level. So, I think it likely that your other parent has curly blond hair and blue eyes.” Eddie toyed with the curls again. “There are no blonds or blue-eyed people in the Diaz or Whitt family.”

“Grandma says I look like her family.”

“While there are some blue eyes in Grandma’s family, though paler blue than yours, there is no curly hair. She’s reaching.” Dios, maybe that was why his mother had latched on to Christopher as her baby. What an ugly thought.

“So, I look like my papa,” Christopher said around a yawn.

“Papa?” Eddie smiled softly. “You’re pretty sure your other parent is male, eh?”

“I think…” Another yawn. “This time he is.” Then Christopher went lax, deeply asleep against Eddie’s chest, one hand hovering over the t-shirt, right over where the white crocus had lived on Eddie’s heart and soul for nearly five years.

Eddie ran his hand gently up and down Christopher’s back and wondered at his son’s certainty that the missing part of their family was male.

It felt right.

He wondered where this blue-eyed, blond-haired man was and when they’d finally meet.

Part II

Buck pulled into the parking lot of the station but couldn’t make himself get out of the Jeep and go inside. He loved his work, but today he dreaded being around anyone and trying to put up a front that he was fine. Not that his team needed him to pretend, not really. He was working on placing the days of putting on a front behind him, but old habits were hard to break.

He rested his head on the steering wheel and took several deep breaths, letting his mind blank for a few moments while he focused on nothing but the movement of air in and out of his lungs.

A sharp rap on the passenger window startled him and her jerked upright. Bobby was peering in at him, eyebrow raised. As soon as he was sure he had Buck’s attention, he opened the door and slid into the Jeep. He angled his body so he could look at Buck directly.

“When you texted that you were going to be a little late I didn’t think you meant because you were going to sit in the parking lot for half an hour.”

Startled, Buck looked at his watch and realized he had indeed been sitting here for nearly thirty minutes. “God, Bobby, I’m sorry. I lost track of—”

“It’s fine, Buck. I’m just worried. Everything okay?” He gave Buck a searching look. “You said there was a family issue…?”

Buck hesitated, not sure how much he wanted to say. He’d always hated how alone and isolated he felt; as a result, he was always desperate to cling to the people and places that made him feel safe. Still, he’d hesitated about revealing too much personal information to the people around him. His therapist said that keeping people out of the intimate details of his life increased his feelings of isolation.

The hesitation was so long that Bobby made a placating gesture. “I’m not trying to pry into anything you’re not comfortable sharing; I was just concerned about you since you never call out.”

“I had an emergency call with my therapist,” Buck blurted out.

Bobby’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s…fine. You don’t have to explain anything—”

“No, I mean…” Buck heaved a frustrated sigh.

“You told me that you sometimes need to come at explaining things obliquely, right? Is that this situation?”

Buck nodded.

“That’s okay. We’re offline for maintenance for the next hour anyway. DeKay is cussing up a blue streak about C-shift doing a piss poor job, so he took the truck offline. The engine can roll if there’s an emergency, but I’ve got time to listen if you need me to.”

Buck chewed his lower lip. He knew he’d latched on to Bobby as somewhat of a father figure, but he was trying to keep the boundaries to more a mentor and friend relationship. It was hard for him to figure out where those lines were some days. “I keep wondering how this all would have gone down if I hadn’t met Ava.”

Bobby grinned. “I think your life would be on quite a different track if you hadn’t met her, but it seems like many of ours would be. She’s something of a force of nature and not at all shy about getting all up in everyone’s business.”

That made him smile, remembering when he’d met Ava Pereira. Buck had still been a probie when he’d been jogging one day and nearly gotten kneecapped by a pissed off seventy-year-old heaving debris to the curb with more force than you’d credit from her barely five-foot frame.

She’d had a bad tenant who had been renting the mother-in-law quarters behind her house that she’d had to evict. The former tenant had trashed the place and Ava was venting her frustrations as she threw garbage out with vigor while using swear words that made Buck actually blush. He’d wound up abandoning his jog and helping her clean out the pigsty the former tenant had left.

Despite having nothing outwardly in common, they’d hit it off and had an easy time talking while working. Then he’d helped her renovate the place to put up for rent, drawing on the several months of construction work he’d done in his travels. She could have easily afforded hiring someone, but Buck had volunteered, and she had no doubt seen how much in need of company outside of the station he was. It was easy to see now that she was taking care of him but, at the time, he’d thought he was doing her a favor.

During the course of the work, they’d gotten to know a lot about one another. She was so good at getting information out of him that he was unsurprised when he’d learned she was a psychologist.

The day the place was completed, she’d handed him a rental agreement, told him not to be an idiot, that he was too old to be living in a room share with a bunch of college kids. She needed a reliable tenant, and, according to her, he clearly needed someone to help him get his life in order.

He would have been affronted if he hadn’t liked her so damn much. So, he’d signed the rental agreement. She’d been pretty clear from the get-go that she thought he would benefit from therapy, though not with her because that would be crossing the streams, but she would make a recommendation when he was ready.

He hadn’t understood the pop culture reference. She’d made him come to dinner and watch Ghostbusters. They now had a standing movie date whenever he had Sunday night off shift.

Bobby smiled faintly. “I know you’v never really wanted to talk about it, but I was grateful how she managed that situation with Dr. Wells.”

Buck grimaced. He’d finally given in on the therapy thing when Bobby had suggested it—borderline ordered it due to a situation at work—but then he’d wound up crying on his couch afterward, not able to understand what was wrong with him and why he was so upset about sex. Ava had gotten the story out of him when he’d failed to show up for their pre-arranged farmer’s market trip.

“She seemed so chill about it when I told her, aside from telling me in legal terms what the issue was, but the next thing I knew, Dr. Wells was up on ethics charges.” The investigation the department later launched exposed a whole host of people who’d been coerced into sleeping with Wells, and the woman was now facing prison time. It had also allowed Ava to meet Bobby and some of the others at the 118. She’d had a long, private conversation with Bobby, and the next thing Buck knew, practically everyone on shift was being referred to a therapist.

“She was very protective of you during the investigation—she continues to run interference with the union as the legal process grinds to its conclusion.”

Buck felt his face heat. “She pointed out that I’m not needed for the LAFD’s investigation, and so they didn’t need to talk to me and that having to talk to the state investigators and the LAPD was more than enough. Wells actions toward me were illegal and unethical but it wasn’t coercive for return to work, so it was definitely separate from the other stuff.” Buck waved it away. “Anyway, as horrifying as the whole thing was, I’m glad she played the heavy with the union because I wasn’t in the right place to deal with them. I’d had enough problems with our union rep before.”

“Yeah, and I’ve filed a complaint about him as well, but I doubt that’s why you’re so troubled today…?”

“No. I’m just having a hard time with the way Ava and Dr. Copeland want me to handle a situation…” Buck gnawed on his lip for a second. “My sister showed up this morning.”

Bobby’s eyebrows made for his hairline. “The one who ghosted you three years ago?”

“Yeah.” Part of his efforts at opening up were to tell his team a little more about his background, though he kept the details superficial except with Hen and Bobby. Bobby knew the most, and Buck had told him all about Maddie one evening when Bobby had asked for company.

“I’ve continued to send her postcards with my current email and address. I’ve had to change phone numbers a few times—most recently over that stupid catfishing thing, so she didn’t have my number. Anyway, she was kind of snooping around Ava’s place this morning, not knowing that I lived in the cottage in the back—I get all my mail to Ava’s address. Anyway, Ava thought she was trying to break in or something and almost called the cops. I think she would have if Maddie was at all physically intimidating.

“Well, to be fair, Maddie’s petite, but Ava’s even smaller, so I couldn’t have blamed her if she’d reacted first and called the cops, but instead she confronted Maddie. Anyway, the long and short of it is that Maddie left her husband. Ava got her to admit that Doug was abusive and that she’s actually hiding and Doug doesn’t know where she went.”

Bobby grimaced. “Maddie okay?”

“I don’t know. She seemed fine, but she’s not like I remember.”

“It’s been a long time, Buck.”

“Yeah.” Buck dragged his hands through his hair. “Maddie has a thing about therapists, and tried to tell Ava off, but Ava wasn’t having any of it. Next thing I know, I’ve been kicked out and Ava and Maddie have a long, conversation. Then Ava tells me that I need to leave Maddie for her to handle for a little while.”

“What does that mean?”

“I dunno—I didn’t fully get it. Ava said that between my state of mind, Maddie’s state of mind, and her desperate circumstances that the situation is ripe for me to be easily manipulated by her—probably without her necessarily intending to. That we need to reconnect in a better way. That it’s clear I wanted to jump in and take care of her, but that it’s not my function in Maddie’s life to be her savior. She’s a decade older than me and I was basically a kid the last time we had meaningful contact.

“I think Maddie’s going to be staying with Ava for now, and Ava’s getting her hooked up with resources for battered women.” Buck grimaced. “I hope Ava can get Maddie past her aversion to therapy because she’s going to need it.”

Bobby gave a startled laugh. “If anyone can, Ava can. Hell, she even got Chim to go, and I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Well, it was either he get help for his tendency toward womanizing or she was going to beat him to death with that monstrous handbag of hers over the way he handled that whole catfishing thing.”

Bobby frowned. “Something I don’t know?”

Buck shook his head. “It wasn’t that big a thing, though it got Ava’s nose majorly out of joint. One of the women who came to the station and slapped me… Chim hit on her—disinvited me to a thing,” Buck made a dismissive gesture, “so he could invite her instead.”

“That’s—” Bobby frowned. “A real dick move.” With a sigh he added, “I continue to be sorry for not seeing just how bad things were.”

“They weren’t that bad.”

“I wasn’t doing him any favors by letting his odd behaviors with women slide. If he’d kept it out of the station house, it’d be none of my business, but he never quite managed to do that.”

Buck just shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. Part of Buck’s own therapy was to be assertive about what he needed from his relationships—professional and personal—which had involved being more honest with Bobby about things that didn’t work for him on the job. That included whatever it was about him that set Chim off. Buck liked Chim for the most part, but Buck apparently reminded Chim of some real assholes who pre-dated Bobby’s arrival at the 118. Bobby had been all over getting Chim to get some help on dealing with that crap. Things were better between him and Chim, but it didn’t seem like they’d never be close. Chim was too naturally caustic and Buck too naturally sensitive, so he couldn’t help but always be a little on the defensive and wary of letting the other man close.

Buck had thought he needed to change the way he was, but Dr. C was helping him see that that there was nothing wrong with how he was naturally wired.

Bobby took the hint and let the Chim thing drop. “I can see why it was a rough morning. Do you need the day?”

“I’m not sure what I’d do at home. Ava’s pretty adamant that now isn’t the right time for me and Maddie to talk things out—that Maddie’s in crisis mode, and it’s not my job to solve Maddie’s problems. That I could not only make things worse, but set a bad foundation for our future relationship—whatever that turns out to be.”

“Do you think Ava’s wrong?”

“No,” Buck said slowly. “I just want her to be wrong. I want to step in fix it, and I realize my inclination to just want to fix a problem I don’t even fully understand is part of what Ava’s is talking about. So, I’m trying to just let it go for now. And she’s right that Maddie and I don’t really know each other, so we’re both reacting to the people we knew ten years ago.”

“You going to be okay to work?”

“I guess? I need to be distracted, Bobby.”

Bobby gave him a skeptical look.

”If I don’t feel more focused by the time we’re off maintenance, I’ll be man behind. Deal?”

Bobby gave an exasperated laugh. “I guess.” He gave Buck a critical once over. “You okay otherwise? You look a little tired, and this thing with your sister is just today, right?”

“Yeah, that just started this morning. I’m just not sleeping well. Weird dreams making me feel like I’m not as rested as I’d like.”

“That same dream you mentioned to me a couple weeks ago?”

“Same dream, same kid. Looks a lot like me, to be honest. Dr. C thinks I’m dreaming about myself, but suggested I ask my parents if the kid sounds like anyone I knew growing up.” Buck hesitated. “So, I called my dad. He got real quiet and then asked who told me about Daniel.”

Bobby blinked a few times. “Wait, this kid is real?”

“Well, Daniel was real, though all I know about him I got from Google.” Buck’s hands clenched. “I apparently had an older brother who died when I was one years old, but I don’t know much else. Dad said he’d call and explain more but Mom was hysterical and he needed to calm her down first. He hasn’t called back. It’s probably good I can’t talk to Maddie right now because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from asking about Daniel, and I doubt she needs that on top of the other stuff she’s dealing with. There has to be a good reason why she didn’t ever mention that she had another brother. Right?” He shook his head and took a deep breath. “So, there was a kid named Daniel, but I don’t know how I could be remembering him when he died within days of my first birthday.”

“That does seem unlikely,” Bobby drew out slowly, looking thoughtful.

“Thing is, I was certain this kid’s name was Christopher.”

“If not your brother, then it’s probably someone you knew when you were younger.”

“I guess. I just keep having this feeling that I’m supposed to find this kid, and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t.”

“Athena’s mentioned that people can have dreams like that when they witnessed a crime when they were young, especially if they were repressing the event. Any chance that’s the issue?”

Buck shrugged. “I hope not. I think I’d be heartbroken if something bad happened to this little boy. But I’m sure Dr. C is considering the whole repressed memory angle since it’s been on my mind for months now.”

“Months?” Bobby repeated incredulously.

Buck shrugged a little sheepishly. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and it seems really weird, I guess. The dreams have just been escalating lately.”

“If something is bothering you, it’s not weird. You can always come to me, okay?”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“Do you want to tell me why this dream bothers you so much? I’m willing to listen if you want to talk.”

“You mean other than I feel like I’m supposed to find him?”

Bobby smiled faintly. “Yeah, other than the drive to find him.”

Buck hesitated a moment, then cautiously admitted, “My whole life, I’ve felt like I was on the outside looking in. Like I never really had a place to belong. I guess it makes sense with the way my parents are, but…” Buck bit his lip. “When I dream about this kid, I don’t feel that way. I feel like I’m home, and it’s unsettling because I want it so much.”

Bobby had his head cocked to the side. “You know, that outside looking in thing…? That’s often what soulbonded pairs report feeling like before they meet again. I mean like multiple lives bonded or possibly even handfasted.”

Buck’s mouth dropped open. “Bobby, I am not soulbonded to a little kid.”

Bobby gave him exasperated look. “I didn’t mean that. I can’t account for the kid or why you’re dreaming about him, but the feeling you’re talking about—that could be a soulbond that’s been through many lives and you’re missing your partner.”

Buck made a face, trying to think of what to say. “Don’t get my hopes up.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“What? Hope?”

Bobby nodded.

“It’s terrible. Hoping and then always being disappointed is one of the worst things in the world.”

Bobby’s expression shifted to something a little sad. “We’ve gotta have hope, kid. If a soulmate is what you want, I have to believe that will happen for you someday.”

Buck shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. “I just want to belong somewhere.”

Bobby’s hand settled on Buck’s shoulder, a comforting weight. “You have a place to belong. You’re part of my family no matter what else comes along, but I believe there’s someone out there for you.”

“I sure hope so. I’m tired of never being able to get past casual sex because so many people won’t get involved someone who isn’t a potential.” Buck threw up his hands. “I don’t get it. There are a lot of people like me who never meet a potential, so I don’t understand why I manage to only meet people who refuse to date outside of a potential soulbond.”

“You’re still bitter about Abby?”

“Yes,” Buck bit out. “We had a great connection on the phone, but the minute we met and shook hands, revealing that we we weren’t potentials, she was suddenly only interested in sex unless she needed help with something. She seemed so weirdly sure we’d be potentials too. Like, how could she possibly have been that confident before we ever met in person?”

“Some people confuse attraction for a potential soul match. They see someone they’re drawn to and assume it means their souls are compatible. The world tells us that is not the case, but people still conflate the two. And I have first-hand experience with having a relationship without a soulbond. Marcy and I weren’t potentials, but it didn’t diminish how much we loved each other. And during the good years, our relationship was very good. I’m sorry you haven’t met someone willing to give a relationship a chance, but I believe you’ll get there.” Bobby so rarely ever talked about his deceased family, and Buck considered it an sacred trust every time it happened.

“Thanks.”

Bobby just nodded. “Let’s get in there before Hen hunts us down. I want to believe you that you’ll bench yourself if your head isn’t in the game.”

Buck held up his hand. “I promise.”

“Okay, but know that I will do it myself if I have any doubts.”

“Of course.”

Bobby paused with his hand on the door handle. “I should probably tell you that we have a new probie starting today.”

“We do?” Buck echoed. “I thought our roster was full.”

“Yeah, and it was. I was going to let it be a surprise, but I don’t think you’re in a good headspace for a surprise. The chief has been considering making us a SAR bureau for a while, but that involves some staffing overhauls and an additional apparatus. For now, we’re moving into a permanent back-up slot. In order for that to work, I need more people on-shift with SAR certifications. You’re our heavy hitter on that front, and you need a partner if we’re going to take more SAR calls.”

Buck blinked. “What?”

“You’re not being replaced, Buck, so don’t even think that way. Right now, you rely on me and Chim in the field when we have a heavy rescue, but that’s not sustainable. You need to have someone with similar training whose primary responsibility is to be your partner. Chim’s primary responsibility is as a paramedic.”

It all sounded good, but Buck couldn’t help that he felt weirdly threatened. “And if he’s better than me?”

“He’s different, okay? He’s an Army vet and combat medic. He has less heavy rescue training, but the flip side is he’s trained in actual combat situations and has more hands-on medical training. He’s going to be cool under pressure—a lot the way you are but for different reasons. But he’s still a probie, and I expect you to help train him so that the two of you are the dynamic rescue team that I envision you being.”

“A team?” Buck repeated.

“Yes, Buck, a team. For now, he’s a probie, but he’s got a lot of experience, so I think it would serve you well treat him as your partner and not your subordinate.”

Buck nodded, not wanting to say anything else lest he freak out and start begging Bobby for reassurances that he wasn’t going to be training the guy slated to replace him.

“It’ll be fine, Buck, you’ll see.”

“You know I trust you, Bobby.”

“Good, now let’s get inside and rescue Diaz from Hen’s evil clutches. She probably has his whole life story by now an is arranging some sort of bet.”

As soon as they entered the station, one of the first places Buck had felt at home in his life, the air felt thick and heavy. Buck’s steps slowed as he adjusted to the odd heaviness in the air.

Bobby turned and gave him an inquisitive look. “You okay?”

“Do you feel that?”

“Feel what?” Bobby looked completely normal and unbothered, so Buck figured he must be more tired than he thought.

He shook his head and forced a smile. “Nothing. Maybe I’ll catch a nap after lunch if things stay light.”

Bobby’s brow furrowed. “Good plan.”

As they continued walking, Buck continued to feel like the very air was weighted.

“Hen!” Bobby called out. “Get Diaz out here. I want to introduce Buck.”

Hen stuck her head out out of the back of the ambulance. “We’re just going over supplies in the ambo.” She hopped out and then the most attractive man Buck had ever seen climbed down after her.

The guy had dark hair and a ready smile, but the minute their gazes met, it was like everything was frozen—even the air in his lungs. Buck’s whole body began to tingle, and his hands almost burned.

“Eddie Diaz,” Bobby began, gesturing to the new guy, “meet Evan Buckley, who goes by Buck. Buck is our heavy rescue specialist, and he’s also top notch on fire science. He came to the LAFD with extensive search and rescue certifications from doing volunteer work in Colorado and then with a FEMA task force in New Mexico. Buck, Eddie was a combat medic and served in Afghanistan. So far, he’s choosing the firefighter route rather than paramedic, and he plans to pursue more SAR certifications. The goal is to pair you two up as much as possible, even for training, to see what kind of synergy you’ll have in the field as a heavy rescue and SAR team.”

Eddie’s gaze was sharp and intense as he took several steps, closing the gap between them to less than two feet. Buck felt like he could barely breathe as Eddie just stared at him for several long moments.

Bobby looked back and forth between them, an expression of consternation crossing his face. “Is there a problem?”

Eddie cocked his head to the side, gaze narrowed. Then he smiled softly. “Where in the world have you been?”

“Do you two know each other?” Bobby sounded bewildered.

Buck felt frozen in place, unable to look away from Eddie’s eyes.

“Yeah, I think we do,” Eddie said, not breaking eye contact. Slowly, he offered his hand to Buck. When Buck just continued to stare, Eddie softly said, “It’s okay, Evan. Just take the leap.”

Buck almost couldn’t help himself. His mind was blank as he reached out and took the offered hand.

Instantly, it was home. It was belonging and acceptance and…so much more that Buck could barely process it. So much was hitting Buck at once that his brain blanked out. By the time, he could make sense of anything, he realized his was on his knees with Eddie, his face pressed into Eddie’s shoulder as his body labored through great heaving gasps of air.

Eddie had an arm around Buck’s shoulders. The other arm was trapped between their bodies. Their hands were clasped together, fingers laced, pressed between their chests. Eddie was murmuring softly in his ear. “I’ve got you, Evan, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Buck lifted his head enough to see their hands. To see the the black bands circling their fingers. All of their fingers.

“We’re handfasted,” Buck managed to get out.

“A little more than that,” Hen said from a discreet distance. “Your bands are on both hands and you have bands forming all the way up your arms. You’re…eternal souls. I’ve only heard about it and seen pictures…”

Buck blinked and met Eddie’s gaze.

Eternal souls.

Souls that had walked so many lives together they were considered truly one—inseparable with an unseverable bond. Buck looked at Eddie’s arm and saw rings of black every half inch or so, disappearing into his shirt sleeve.

Buck blinked again, and memories, vague and indistinct, began to tease at his mind. “I’ve missed you,” he managed to whisper.

Eddie touched his cheek. “I’ve missed you too.”

But Buck still felt like his was adrift, and he knew now exactly what it was. “Do you have him?” he asked urgently. “Do you have my son?”

Eddie smiled. “Yes. He’s with my abuela. His name is—”

“Christopher.”

Eddie’s smile got bigger. “Yes.” He released Buck enough to pull down the collar of his own t-shirt and expose the small crocus over his heart. “He’s been waiting for you too.”

Buck felt a little sob rise up in him. “I need to see my son, Eddie.” Buck could suddenly, vividly, remember giving birth to Christopher the first time that precious child had been in their lives.

“I know. It’s not easy to be separated from a soul child. We’re in no state to work today, so we should go and see him.”

“Um.” Hen’s voice intruded. “Are you two aware that you’re not speaking English? In fact, I don’t have the faintest clue what language it might be.”

Buck wasn’t sure either, but all he could focus on was getting to his son. Now that he had his soulmate, the tether to his child was pulling at him in a way that was almost painful.

“I’m not sure you should drive.” Bobby sounded worried. “When you two are ready, let’s have Hen check you over and then we’ll see if Eddie is okay to be behind the wheel.”

Buck hated the delay, but he recognized that them getting in a car crash wasn’t going to help matters any.

They wound up in the bunk room, just the two of them, after Hen had checked them both out, asking that they give it fifteen minutes or so and then she’d assess Eddie again. Buck was apparently a lost cause on the safe to drive front. He was a little dazed and distracted by this urgent need to find his child.

He’d been unable to move from Eddie’s side and they were pressed together with Eddie’s arm around Buck’s waist.

“This is so weird,” Buck murmured. “I know you—I feel it in every fiber of my being, but I also don’t know thisyou. I don’t know what music you like or your favorite food. It’s so…odd.”

“Those are details we’ll learn as we go. We can write up a cheat sheet on the basic biographical stuff like where we were born, living family members, etc, but I’m eager to learn the little stuff myself.”

Buck found himself smiling. “I look forward to that.” He then frowned and rubbed his chest. “Why do I feel this way? I’ve been dreaming about Christopher for a while, but it was never this desperate.”

“Because our bond has snapped into place—think of it like two legos fitting together—and you can feel my tether to him, probably making yours feel more raw.”

“I didn’t realize bonding was instant like that. I thought it had to be reaffirmed in every life.”

Eddie took Buck’s right hand. “After handfasting, you can form tethers to children you’re going to protect through all time.” He took the other hand, holding it securely, thumb tracing over the black rings at the base of all his fingers. “Ten lives together is rare. After the tenth is when the bond reforms immediately. It’s something mystical. Ten lives together, ten soul bondings. It’s called aeternum tenetur. It means bound forever. It’s so rare, they never came up with a modern term. It’s the foundation for the eternal souls.

“After aeternum tenetur, there’s some number of lives lived together before the wrist band forms. No one is really sure what has to happen either in life or during the in-between, but in one life, a band around the wrist will form and that’s when we swore to walk every road together, in every life—eternally one.” Eddie’s expression was soft. His hand closed around Buck’s wrist, gently caressing the thick black band. “Every other mark on our bodies, except Christopher’s mark, are just acknowledgments of this commitment lived over and over.”

Buck felt his eyes fill with tears that he couldn’t help; he felt emotionally all over the place. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Eddie shook his head. “It happens when it happens.”

“How do you know all this?”

“When I held Christopher the first time and the mark burned into my chest, I knew I was handfasted at a minimum.”

Buck reached out and touched where the mark was. “Crocus cartwrightianus. The autumn blooming saffron crocus.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ve always been drawn to the history of Greece, and it’s one of the iconic flowers of Ancient Greece. Once of my favorites, actually.”

Eddie tilted his head. “That’s what we were speaking, you know.”

“Hmm?”

“Ancient Greek. I can’t say I know the language, but somehow we lapsed into it.”

“Do you think we’ll ever know who we were?”

“No. It doesn’t usually work that way. People get impressions or non-contextual memories. The more lives lives, the more likely that is to happen, but full memory regression just doesn’t happen; it would be overwhelming. I did a ton of research after my soul tether to Christopher formed. Based on vague dreams I had of other lives, I figured it was more than just handfasting between us because I knew I’d had Christopher in more than one life. I thought we’d probably been joined in all ten. I didn’t expect eternal souls—I’m not sure anyone could have anticipated that.”

“Don’t sociologists think there are less than a dozen eternal soul pairings?”

“Yes. It’s impossible to get a real count since they believe that some people have very little time between lives and others may skip decades before being reborn. Ilearned everything I could so I was prepared—for myself, for you, and for Chris.” He closed his eyes. “I have flashes of memories of various lives. No context, just moments in time. It’s about what I expected based on everything I’ve read.”

“Me too.” He hesitated.  “I remember giving birth to him the first time the soul tether formed.”

Eddie just nodded. “Chris seemed to know that you were his mother quite a few times in the past.” He squeezed Buck’s hands. “I know you’re aching to have this little circuit of ours complete, but just know that everything will be fine, Evan.”

“You call me Evan…”

Eddie blinked. “Oh. Is that okay? Bobby introduced you as Buck…” He cocked his head to the side. “I’m pretty sure you’ve been Evan a few times.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” He tried to parse how he felt. “I like it from you, but only you.”

“Just me, huh?” Eddie smiled. “I like that.” He touched Buck’s cheek. “You’ve always been only for me, Evan, just as I am only for you.” Then his thumb grazed his cheekbone. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Buck’s mouth. “We’ve waited long enough. Let’s go see our son.”

Part III

Christopher worked diligently on the picture he was coloring, wanting it to be perfect. It was for his papa.

“What are you coloring, mi ángel?”

Chris bit his lip then decided to tell the truth. Even if Abuelita doubted his dreams were real, she’d still never make him feel bad about it. “It’s my family.”

She tapped her finger over the picture of the tall man with curly blond hair—just like Christopher’s. “Who is that, then?”

“My papa. Daddy is going to meet him soon, I just know it.”

Abuela was quiet for a long time. “It took Eddito a long time to tell me that he has la alma traba with you, so I know it’s true that your padre del alma is waiting to come into your life. What makes you think it will be soon?”

“I dream of him. He’s a firefighter.” Chris continued coloring. “He and Daddy are walking the same road now. They even have the same uniform, so they have to meet soon.” He paused. “They just have to.”

“I’m sure they will, then. Did you tell nieto about your dreams? Is that why he became a firefighter?”

Chris shook his head. Then he considered and nodded. “I told him about the dreams but not that Papa is a firefighter too. I don’t want to get his hopes up. But when he was thinking about what kind of new job to do, I maybe voted for firefighter.” He side-eyed his abuela.

She grinned. “Buen chico.”

He giggled and went back to coloring the blue shirts on his fathers. “I miss him,” he said after a couple of minutes. “I haven’t met him yet, but I miss him every day.”

A gentle hand stroked softly over his head. “Having soul parents is a great blessing, but it can come with pain too.”

“It’s okay. He’s not away on purpose. Not like—” He stopped himself, not really wanting to talk about Mommy.

“Do you miss her, Christopher?”

He stopped coloring, the blue crayon pressed hard against the paper. “No. She never even tried to call me.” He dropped his head. “But I feel bad that I don’t miss her.” He looked up at Abuela. “Am I naughty?”

“No, nene. However you feel is okay. Your mother left at a very important time in your lives, and I think part of you is a little angry. You may miss her some day or maybe you’ll be accustomed to being without her. Either way, your feelings are your own and it’s not up to me to decide their worth.”

He nodded, trying to believe her. “When I feel sad about her sometimes, I dream even more about Papa.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “He’s a part of me, and I know he’ll be there for me forever. He won’t run away because things get difficult.”

“The bond you share with your parents through many lives is precious. If anyone ever disrespects it, you tell me, and I’ll make them regret their life choices.”

Christopher giggled. “Deal.” He got the crayon in motion again. “Can I have grilled cheese for lunch?”

“You always want grilled cheese.”

“It’s always good.”

“Bah.” She ruffled his hair. “I’ll think about it.”

“Means yes,” he said with a grin.

“Descarado.”

His smile got bigger.

“You’re just like your father.”

“Thank you!”

She rolled her eyes and got to her feet.

Just as he was selecting a color for the firehouse they were standing in front of, he heard what sounded like Dad’s truck. “Is that Dad?”

“Surely he’s still on shift. It’s his first day!”

Chris bit his lip. “Maybe he got hurt?”

“None of that, nene. If your father were hurt, he wouldn’t be driving his truck to my house. Besides, they don’t let them engage in dangerous stunts on their very first day on the job.” She went to the window and parted the curtains. “Yes, it’s Eddito. I can barely see him, but he’s driving and he looks fine.”

Chris struggled to his feet, scrambling for his crutches. “Let’s go see him.” He stopped completely after he got his balance. “Maybe…” He swallowed heavily. “Maybe he found Papa.”

“In the first hour?” She smiled gently. “That would be lovely, but please don’t get your hopes up, okay? This is the real world, not the telenovela that we will never tell Edmundo that we watch, sí?”

He nodded, willing himself not to get excited because he didn’t want to be sad if his papa wasn’t here. He followed Abuela to the door and willfully ignored her suggestion that he wait inside. As soon as he was on the porch, he saw Daddy and…

“Papa! Papa, you’re here! You’re here!” He felt he emotions overwhelm him, and he started to cry. “I knew you’d find him, Daddy. I knew it” Papa was taller and broader than Chris had ever dreamed but looked just the same. He had the same eyes and hair as Christopher and he smiled so bright.

In his excitement and emotions, he lost his balance and gave a startled scream as he fell.

He was caught in strong arms and lifted up. Something inside him finally felt right. “Papa,” Chris mumbled against the man’s shoulder, holding on for all he was worth.

“There you are, little man,” was whispered against his hair. “I’ve been missing you my entire life.”

Chris didn’t want to let go; he wanted to stay in Papa’s arms and feel his soul finally rest, but then Daddy touched his back and stroked his head. “I found your papa, mijo. I think we’re going to be all right now—we have our family together.”

Chris nodded, overwhelmed at finally having both of his parents with him.

Abuela gasped and moved a little closer. “Oh, nieto… your arms. Alma eterna?”

“Sí.” Daddy sounded happy. “We’ve known each other a very long time, and been this one’s parents almost as long.” Chris didn’t know what Abuelita meant by that, but he figured he could ask his Daddy later.

“I’m Isabel Diaz, but all my grandsons call me abuela, and you’re definitely my grandson now. Come in, come in. We’ll have tea and then you three can spend time connecting as a family.”

“Evan Buckley. Everyone except Eddie calls me Buck.”

Christopher’s hands tightened in Papa’s blue firefighter t-shirt. “I call you Papa.”

The big, strong arms around him tightened. “The best name of all.”

Chris smiled, refusing to let go. He was determined to hold on to his papa until he was sure this wasn’t a dream.

“It’s real,” Papa whispered in his ear.

“Did I say that?”

“Yep. And I understand, because I’d think it was a dream too except for how I feel inside.”

Papa sat on the couch with Christopher still clinging to him. Daddy sat next to them, arms wrapped around them both.

“How do you feel?” Chris asked.

“Like I’m finally home.”

The End