Author: Jilly James
Fandom: NCIS, HP
Characters: Tony DiNozzo, Harry Potter
Genre: Mostly gen, implied slash, kid fic
Word Count: 972
Summary: Tony had a bone-headed guy moment. But now he’s got a problem.
Warnings: No beta, what fucking timeline?
Author Note: I borrowed an OC from Keira with her permission. He’s not really in the story, but is mentioned a couple times.
– – – –
It was his own fault, there was no getting around that, but it didn’t change the fact that Tony now had a problem he couldn’t solve on his own.
He leaned down and picked up his kid, who was laughing and clapping delightedly. It had only been three months since he’d adopted his cousin’s orphaned son, and they were both still adjusting. That was literally all Tony could come up with to explain his moment of stupidity. Because, really, he knew better. He truly wasn’t that guy.
“Okay, sprout, your old man’s an idiot. But I can learn. Honest. But… I don’t suppose you’d put me out of my misery, would you?”
“Daddy!” Harry giggled and got Tony in a strangle-hug. “Pink!” At least Harry was laughing again instead killing Tony with those enormous tear-filled eyes.
“Yes, you made daddy pink. Bright pink,” he agreed as he stroked Harry’s back. All pink. Everywhere. Hair. Skin. Everything. Yeah, he’d checked. “Don’t suppose you’d return to me to my normal fleshy tone?”
Harry just laughed more.
Finding out about the wizarding world after Lily’s death had been the biggest shock of his life, but he’d fought tooth and nail, and used all the resources at the disposal of the Paddingtons, to get custody away from Petunia.
The Paddingtons were a squib line, so dealing with accidental magic was not Tony’s department. That was squarely on Zale’s shoulders. But Tony’s lover was out doing whatever it was Zale did and couldn’t tell him about. Which left Tony stuck at the damn house, because federal agents were many things, but they were never pink.
He had two choices: summon Zale back home, or call the only other wizard he knew here in the States.
With a sigh, Tony tucked Harry under his arm, getting more giggles, and headed for the living room. He flopped on the couch and let Harry free to go where he wanted. As per usual, he stayed right by Tony, finding the pearly now-pink buttons of the shirt to be particularly fascinating.
He placed the call and as soon as the phone was answered, he said, “Hey… I need a big favor. My kid’s had an expressive moment, and Zale’s out of town until tomorrow.”
There was a pause and then a snort of laughter. “How bad is it?”
“Well, let’s just say I won’t be leaving the house anytime soon,” he said dryly.
“This I gotta see. I’ll be there in thirty.” The line went dead.
He tickled Harry a little, reveling in the happy giggles. “Well, kiddo, your old man should be back to normal soon. What should we do in the meantime, huh? Because the park is totally out.”
“Donkey!” Harry said, wiggling in excitement.
“Yeah, all right. I’ll put on Shrek again. I’m kind of glad you’re all about Donkey. Just… don’t start appreciating green, okay? I’m afraid my nerves couldn’t take it.”
“Daddy’s silly,” Harry said seriously, shaking his head.
“Yeah, I’m a total idiot,” he agreed, pressing a kiss to Harry’s wild hair.
It was only about fifteen minutes before the doorbell rang while Harry doing his best to quote all of Donkey’s lines. Tony figured it was inevitable that he’d be making waffles tomorrow.
Checking the peephole, he opened the door, staying out of the line of sight of the street.
Once Fornell was in and had gotten a good look at Tony, he started cracking up. When he had managed to get himself somewhat under control, he asked, “Damn, DiNoteso, why did he turn you pink?”
Tony sighed. “Will you just fix me? I’ll tell you after. I need your help with correcting my mistake anyway.”
Still chortling, Fornell produced a wand from some little slip of metal on his wrist. He waved it around a few times, then gestured to the hall mirror. And Tony was back to normal. He heaved a sigh of relief.
Sticking his head in the living room, he saw that Harry was still sitting on the floor and bouncing a bit as he watched the TV. They’d made a lot of progress in a short time. For weeks after he’d taken custody, Harry wouldn’t let Tony out of his sight.
Gesturing for Fornell to follow, he went to Harry’s room and grabbed the blue bunny, tossing it to Tobias.
“It’s a bunny,” Fornell remarked dryly.
“Right. A blue one. Make it pink. Approximately the same shade I was,” he said rubbing the back of his head. When Fornell cocked a brow in inquiry, Tony threw up his hands. “I’m an idiot, okay? Harry picked out a pink bunny, and I had a complete brain fart and tried to push gender norms on my kid. He really doesn’t like blue. So if you’d make that pink, I’d really appreciate it.”
Fornell’s lips were twitching. “This has built in color-changing charms.” Which meant fuck-all to Tony, but in short order the bunny was the right shade of pink, and that’s all he cared about. “You owe me a lasagna,” he said as he tossed the big pink bunny to Tony.
He went back to the living room, pausing the movie and getting the tragic green eyes in full force almost immediately. Yeah, Tony was screwed when it came to Harry’s tragic face. Zale wasn’t any better. They were utterly doomed.
Hunkering down to Harry’s level, he pulled the bunny from behind his back. “Here you go, baby.”
“BUNNY!!” Harry screeched, grabbing the plushy and launching himself at Tony. “Thank you, Daddy!”
Tony knew he was going to screw up sometimes, but he would do everything in his power to be a good father and learn from those mistakes. He sat on the floor and pulled Harry and the bright pink bunny into his lap. Together, they continued watching Shrek.
– – – –
The Big Short is a short-story challenge on Rough Trade based on thematic or character prompts. The maximum word count for themes is 1k, for characters it’s 2k. They are not beta’d. I re-read them looking for errors but that is all.
Each short story is complete as is. They will not be expanded on, there will be no sequels, they are probably not connected to anything else, and they are not intended to prompt other writers. If you find inspiration in them, that’s lovely, but please write your own thing. My works are not up for adoption.